Say cheese

I forgot how amazing it was to watch babies change everyday. Below are some updated pics.

Lucas is coping quite well and has been a great gor gor. He helps around with some of the chores like running for the diapers. When Lyra cries, he will quickly take a look and try to make funny faces to entertain her. Naturally, he has been a bit whiny and more sticky, but he tries to manage it and is understanding when we explain why I'm not available some times. I'm very proud of him. He is showing a lot of maturity. Occasionally, when he gets a bit out of hand, I remind myself that he is afterall coming to 4 years old. This is not an easy time for him and he will need time to adjust to the transition.

Being mom the 2nd time

I thought I'm all prepared. But boy, is being a mom the 2nd time tough. I can't imagine how some of my friends cope with 3 & 4! Maybe it's age, maybe just the lack of time, now that everything has doubled (like laundry) and time remains the same.

But I'm enjoying the process and this time, I have my mom staying with me, so it is a lot easier. Plus, hubby's 'experienced' and he has been such a great help.

So far, many has commented that Lyra resembles Lucas. Judge for yourself.

Lyra being burped by mommy
Lucas being burped by daddy

Lyra's bath
Lucas's bath

Lyra at 2 days old
Lucas at 2 days old

Can you tell them apart?

Lunch @ Lawry's

I had a nice (and very expensive) lunch with hubby at Lawry's yesterday. I was clearing my leave and Lawry's had what sounded to be a very worthwhile 1-for-1 lunch promotion. So hubby and I thought we should give it a try.

His verdict and mine were mixed... but we concurred that it is one of those places you will go only once. The ambience and the service were what we expected of a classy place, although it was pretty packed for a weekday lunch. Most diners appear to be there for the 1+1 promotion.

The lunch started quite awkwardly with a introduction from a young malay service staff. For some reason, she had a really weird twang and eccent, I couldn't make out 50% of what she was saying or introducing. I squinted and tried very hard to lip read without much success. Hubby and I looked quizzically at each other.

After the heavily eccented girl was done with her introduction, another staff promptly served some warm bread. I took a few bites for taste. It was fresh, soft and warm but otherwise unimpressive. Once I laid down my bread, the 'salad girl' pushed a rolling 'salad' table over and introduced us to the "spinning bowl' salad. The freshly tossed salad was quite appetizing but the tomatoes were a far cry from what Hubby had tasted at Akashi (which was flown in from Jap and supposedly tasted heavenly).

Next, we were served the steak. We ordered the Singapore Cut which was a bigger cut. The 'steak chef' was on hand to carve the steak with the appropriate doneness right beside the table. Mine was supposed to be well-done but it looked more medium done with pink streaks. The steak was juicy and tender with some bits of fat. It was quite good, although it wasn't the best steak I have had. The best I had tasted was when I stayed at Westin Buckhead in Atlanta. The horse radish (resembling wasabi) served with the steak is decent and provided a nice compliment. But the vegetable on the side (whipped potato and peas) were a disappointment. They tasted fozen and mass produced, not unlike those frozen packs you picked up at NTUC.

Overall, I think it's one of those places you want to go to just for the "been there' experience. For the price tag of about $120, after the 1+1 promotion, Hubby and I concluded we are not suited for high society living. As hubby said, the $1 coffee shop ice lemon tea tasted a lot nicer than the $6+++ one we had.

Pride vs submission

Ms Sui's blog was in the mind since I read it. Loosely it's about the power play between women and men.

A few of my colleagues and close friends are very strong, independent and capable multi-taskers. They have strong views on life and they are obviously very modern women. At home, they adopt a different persona. They morphed into these manja, lovey-dovey, submissive women. They do not hide the fact that their husband decide on what they wear (which I thought was ridiculous), they put up with the husband's dismissive or patronising remarks, they let the husband make the major decisions, and the husband's needs take priority. The husband is KING. I used to scorn at how spineless they are and how they should learn to stand their ground. Yet, these are the girls I know who have the best relationships with their spouse.

I remember observing one such couple at my organisation's National Day Observance Ceremony a few weeks ago... They were there to watch their daughter perform. I know both the husband and the wife. The wife is quite an impressive worker and boss. But when she was with the husband at that auditorium, she was this giggly, soft-spoken, demuer 'thing'. I really couldn't reconcile the two. I observed her with both irritation, confusion and a twinge of envy. The couple looked like they were in a bubble of bliss, oblivious to the world.

I wondered if I have been too strong and independent for my own good. So much so people around me have come to expect that I should take care of not just myself but also the people around me. My husband knows I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I half think he expects it. My friends think the same, although a few of the wiser ones worry that I'm stretching it. And I have come to expect it of myself, even in the most unrealistic of times... I find it hard, extremely hard, to ask for help, even from the people closest to me. And when help is offered, I do not always take it. Over time, the offer of help dissipates, as to be expected.

What really made me realised it was a problem I needed to fix was when the comment of one of my colleagues when I took over some tasks I had delegated to him because I didn't want to burden him. He said, "You didn't really needed us. You did everything yourself in the end... I was really quite redundant." He probably said this half in jest or meant it as a compliment but I felt embarrassed. When you try to do everything yourself, you don't neccessarily end up helping others around you; you end up isolating them.

And I wondered if my hubby and people close to me felt that same. I wondered if in my zest and desire to do everything perfectly and not burdened anyone, I end up isolating them, making them feel redundant and dispensable. I would hate feeling that way, because one of the most powerful motivation is probably the feeling of being needed.

... Although, I don't think I'll morph into some giggly twerp... ...

Bout of blue

Maybe it is the lack of stress at work to occupy me... I've been having a bout of blues recently. Now that I have time on my hands with all my projects completed, I'm catching up with my facebook, emails and blogs. And it made me even more acutely aware of how cut off I've been.

Maybe it is the hormones going haywire in the last stage of pregnancy... or it is pre-partum disorder of sorts... I have been getting paranoia thoughts (again). I recently discovered how much I don't know about what's going on in my hubby's life, other than the fact that he is very engaged in playing WarCraft. Questions about how's his day renders the same "nothing much" answer. Unlike before, I no longer know who his friends are, how he spent his day, who he lunches with, what's his work like etc... For someone as control freak as me, it's actually quite scary not knowing.

But I'm also quite tired of asking because somehow I cut across as being interogative or being nosey or just plain controlling, even if I have the best intention of just making conversation. Somehow, it just my questions puts across the message.

I realised I feel the same anxiety about my friends too. I no longer know what's happening with my friends, other than maybe they had a kid or that they recently just went on a trip etc. I sometimes feel I'm alone... I feel (and fear) I'm losing touch and losing connection with those that matter to me.

I have lot of annual leave to clear... but I have no idea what to do with those and anyway, I have no interest to do anything at all. I've been sleeping a lot, and I end up even more tired. I read that all these are signs of depression. But I don't really feel that depressed... just lost and lonely.

My consolation is that I hope this is a passing phase and I'll swing back to my usual self in no time.