Pride vs submission

Ms Sui's blog was in the mind since I read it. Loosely it's about the power play between women and men.

A few of my colleagues and close friends are very strong, independent and capable multi-taskers. They have strong views on life and they are obviously very modern women. At home, they adopt a different persona. They morphed into these manja, lovey-dovey, submissive women. They do not hide the fact that their husband decide on what they wear (which I thought was ridiculous), they put up with the husband's dismissive or patronising remarks, they let the husband make the major decisions, and the husband's needs take priority. The husband is KING. I used to scorn at how spineless they are and how they should learn to stand their ground. Yet, these are the girls I know who have the best relationships with their spouse.

I remember observing one such couple at my organisation's National Day Observance Ceremony a few weeks ago... They were there to watch their daughter perform. I know both the husband and the wife. The wife is quite an impressive worker and boss. But when she was with the husband at that auditorium, she was this giggly, soft-spoken, demuer 'thing'. I really couldn't reconcile the two. I observed her with both irritation, confusion and a twinge of envy. The couple looked like they were in a bubble of bliss, oblivious to the world.

I wondered if I have been too strong and independent for my own good. So much so people around me have come to expect that I should take care of not just myself but also the people around me. My husband knows I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I half think he expects it. My friends think the same, although a few of the wiser ones worry that I'm stretching it. And I have come to expect it of myself, even in the most unrealistic of times... I find it hard, extremely hard, to ask for help, even from the people closest to me. And when help is offered, I do not always take it. Over time, the offer of help dissipates, as to be expected.

What really made me realised it was a problem I needed to fix was when the comment of one of my colleagues when I took over some tasks I had delegated to him because I didn't want to burden him. He said, "You didn't really needed us. You did everything yourself in the end... I was really quite redundant." He probably said this half in jest or meant it as a compliment but I felt embarrassed. When you try to do everything yourself, you don't neccessarily end up helping others around you; you end up isolating them.

And I wondered if my hubby and people close to me felt that same. I wondered if in my zest and desire to do everything perfectly and not burdened anyone, I end up isolating them, making them feel redundant and dispensable. I would hate feeling that way, because one of the most powerful motivation is probably the feeling of being needed.

... Although, I don't think I'll morph into some giggly twerp... ...