Bout of blue

Maybe it is the lack of stress at work to occupy me... I've been having a bout of blues recently. Now that I have time on my hands with all my projects completed, I'm catching up with my facebook, emails and blogs. And it made me even more acutely aware of how cut off I've been.

Maybe it is the hormones going haywire in the last stage of pregnancy... or it is pre-partum disorder of sorts... I have been getting paranoia thoughts (again). I recently discovered how much I don't know about what's going on in my hubby's life, other than the fact that he is very engaged in playing WarCraft. Questions about how's his day renders the same "nothing much" answer. Unlike before, I no longer know who his friends are, how he spent his day, who he lunches with, what's his work like etc... For someone as control freak as me, it's actually quite scary not knowing.

But I'm also quite tired of asking because somehow I cut across as being interogative or being nosey or just plain controlling, even if I have the best intention of just making conversation. Somehow, it just my questions puts across the message.

I realised I feel the same anxiety about my friends too. I no longer know what's happening with my friends, other than maybe they had a kid or that they recently just went on a trip etc. I sometimes feel I'm alone... I feel (and fear) I'm losing touch and losing connection with those that matter to me.

I have lot of annual leave to clear... but I have no idea what to do with those and anyway, I have no interest to do anything at all. I've been sleeping a lot, and I end up even more tired. I read that all these are signs of depression. But I don't really feel that depressed... just lost and lonely.

My consolation is that I hope this is a passing phase and I'll swing back to my usual self in no time.