Lyra's 1st dip

Lyra had her 1st dip in the pool on the 2nd day of CNY. Her parents and Gor Gor were definitely a lot more excited than she is. :) She seems to take to the pool, although she was quite apprehensive at first. The water was cold and Gor Gor was overly excited and kept splashing water when he demonstrated how to dive. The spa jet had calming effect and she appeared to enjoy that... wonder if it a woman's thing. After about 20 mins, mommy whisked her home for a quick shower. The swim/dip must have been exhausting and Lyra slept right through from 6.30 pm to 11.30 pm. Some pics of the penguin.

Lyra wearing Gor Gor's penguin suit
Ooo, backstroke...
1 for the camera
After this feet spa, a pedicure would be nice...

Lyra, Lyra, Lyra... ...

Lyra is about 4.5 months now and already she is manipulating her daddy and mommy in her tiny little ways. You should see her piteous appealing look to us to interfere when Lucas is rowdy. And you should hear her screams of bloody murder when Lucas teases her at times. Lucas loves his sister to bits and Lyra loves playing with her Gor Gor.

Sitting like a queen, feeling like the king

"I'm really a sweet & demure little girl, not the kick-ass girl mommy says I am." *blinks innocently*

"Watashiwa kawayi des ka?"

Gor Gor's Peek-a-Boo comes complete with monkey faces

Lyra feeling tickled with Gor Gor's arm under her armpits

The perfect pic, finally

Suicide

Recently, two persons who are not particularly close to me came to me for a listening ear. Both lost someone very dear to suicide just a month ago; one lost a mother and the other lost a best friend. Perhaps they felt I could understand or maybe they just needed a listening ear and I was around. In any case, I felt privileged that they trusted me.

Both were obviously depressed and guilt ridden. Suicide survivors are often laden with the "if only I had" burden. They wondered what they could have done to prevent it. They thought of instances where they should have spotted the signs and prevented it. In a way, I could relate to that feeling because that was exactly how I felt when I miscarried my last child; if only... ...

I couldn't offer much advice and I guess they weren't looking for that anyway. All I could share was my own experience as a "suicide addict". Hopefully, they would see that they really couldn't do much to change the person's mind.

Suicide is addictive. It becomes the default coping mechanism when things go wrong. I 1st toyed with suicide when I was Pr. 4. I popped my granny's pills. They turned out to be Vits. After that, I had many episodes where I tried to slit my wrist, cross the road with my eyes closed and popped Panadols with coke and alcohol. Each time, I felt the immediate relief that I did not die and the problem seemed more solvable. I believe most people who committed suicide, didn't want to die. They just couldn't see a way out and see how they could carry on living. Of my many suicide attempts, I had 3 close shaves- the 1st when I was in uni and my hostel mates rushed me to hospital with excessive bleeding. I was knocked out cold by the panadol and alcohol and I had cut my wrist in the daze. The 2nd time was when my parents found me foaming at my mouth and rushed me to hospital to have my stomach pumped. I had downed a concoction of 20 sleeping pills. Being a parent now, I could understand how my parents must have felt. What a terrible thing to do to your parents! The 3rd time, I was looking out of the window, preparing to jump when divine intervention stopped me. That's was why I chose to believe in God.

Anyway, nobody could have stopped me. Not the knowledge that people around me loved me, not that the problem will eventually be solved, not even when my best friend was there for me. I could only think of suicide, and if I live to tell the tale, great and if I die, well, that was the point anyway. So it didn't matter what everyone around me said or tried to convince me otherwise, I was deaf to what was said. And I would have done it again and again, until my luck ran out of course.

I hope these 2 friends of mine will let go and live their lives more richly than before. I hope they will continue to build the dreams they had and live the dream, with the person they lost in mind. Most of all, I hope they know it takes time to heal and they themselves won't do something drastic.

So what stopped me for the suicide cycle? It was divine intervention. But for those not as lucky as me, I would advise counselling.

What the fish?

You learn something everyday...

Today, I learnt that there is no such thing as a plural fish! As in, you do not say, "my mom cooked 2 fishes" unless the 2 fishes are of totally different species. You should be saying, "my mom cooked 2 fish".

Fishes is also used as a verb of course.

Well, well...

Pantry talk

My office largely comprises young, single professionals. But I never really realised how different our life path is until today when I had this really weird conversation with one of the sweet young things here. It goes something like that...

Me, just back from lactating and preparing to wash my pumps.

Young Girl (gasps at the 2 packets of milk): What's that?
Me: My milk?
YG: Really? How you take it out? (begins to eye breast pump suspiciously)
Me: I use the breast pump lor (waves at pump).
By now, 2 other guys are at the pantry and waiting for me to finish up my washing.
YG: WAHHH! Why you have 2 pumps? Pain or not?
Me: I have 2 breasts? No, not very pain... or maybe a litle when the milk lets down.
YG: (gasps) You mean your breast will sag down? How many litres you pump? So your breast will become double the size?
Me: (getting exasperated)... Erm, no... Let down is not sagging. It just means the milk coming in... and I pump only 200 ml if I'm lucky. (I consciously left the breast size out)
YG: (disappointed) Oh,... so little. I don't want to ever have to pump milk... I cannot stand pain. But I want to have little children.
Me: Well, breast milk is best for babies and the pain is bearable.
YG: Oh,.. so you just use this (points at pump) and squeeze the breast... Next time, I will just ask the doc to knock me out and take the baby out of me. I cannot stand pain.
Me: (totally exasperated)okay. (muttering under my breath, "yes, should just knock you out NOW...")

Pssst... I love you too

My hubby sent me a very sweet SMS lately. It is not his usual style as he is not the romantic sort. But occasionally, he surprises me with such acts.

And of course, knowing that it would totally piss him off, I SMSed that it was "fishy" for him to send me such loving SMS. Okay, I'm insensitive and ungrateful. Vinc replied that he knew I would say it's fishy and expressed his disappointment with a SMS 'sigh'.

Well, it would have served me right if he never ever send me another loving SMS.

Why do clever woman do stupid things?

A mishap

Some of you who have tried cutting a baby's nails would know it is a nail bitting experience. Those uncontrollable flailing hands and legs make it so hard. So it's probably no surprise that on Saturday, the inevitable happened - I snipped some flesh off Lyra's thumb.

Knowing that it is an inevitable outcome of course didn't lessen any of the guilt I felt. Her blood soaked plaster and mittens (to prevent her from sucking on the plaster/thumb) made me felt worse. Lyra was quite brave. She cried only for a short while, but the cut was deep so she was bleeding for quite a few minutes. Sigh...

And it didn't help that Vinc (mean mean man, you) kept reminding me by asking Lyra when I was within earshot, "how's your thumb Lyra? Mommy so careless ah...". And to think 4 years ago, when Lucas rolled off the bed on his watch, I was sensitive enough not to say anything as I know he would have been guilt-ridden... I know he was joking and poking fun at me... but still... ungrateful hubby... hmpf...
*** ***

Lyra darling, mommy didn't mean to be so butter-fingered and hurt you. Your wound would probably have healed but I think I'll be feeling bad for some time. I'm so sorry sweetie.