I swear I'm a S*#T attractor. Really, all big and small S*#T happen to me all the time. Classic example would have to be when I was teaching. The WHOLE school was in the parade square for the morning assembly and I was standing in the centre and guess what,... a flock of birds went by and I felt something warm on my head. And it happened TWICE!!! What're the chances of that!!!
Anyway, it's always during something important that S*#T lands; like during one of the Minister's visit, I was tasked to recite the pledge and I happily reduce it by half... I forgot the words. Then there was the time I mimic this b/witch-of-a-boss, and she was standing right behind me. Then there was Lucas's Birthday last year where I fell with his cake.
So it's probably no surprise that tomorrow's Lucas's Birthday celebration and our fridge decided to take a break. Okay, it could have been worse, we could have collected his ice-cream cake today... ... BUT I had about 20 packets of EBM in the freezer! Those 20 pacs contained my sleep-deprived hard work. I was desperate for a fridge. Good thing I have good PR with my neighbours so I found a temporary storage. Phew...
But it was really a strange experience. I mean, how do you go around asking if your neighbour has some spare storage in the freezer for your breast milk? I'm not on such good terms as to bare my chest (metorphorically and literary) to them. It's a blessing that I have thick skin and shame immunity. I asked them if I could store my milk like I was asking if I could store some ice-cream. They were really nice and quickly rearranged the fridge for me.
Point is S*#T happens all the time... but for the most half of it, you just need a couple inches of thick-skin and just go with the flow.
And hey, half an hour later, my fridge was humming again, back from slumberland. I thought I shouldn't take the chance with my milk and it would be safer at my neighbours... then Vinc asked, "did you count the number of packets of milk???" ... ... oh man... ... S*#T!
Saturday 20 December 2008
Thursday 4 December 2008
Frustrations with the infant care
Generally, I'm quite a chin-chai parent. I'm not a kan-cheong spider so I don't freak out if Lucas or Lyra had a slight injury and I don't rush down to the infant or childcare when teachers call to tell me my kid had a fall or a fight. I am quite calm and as long as they are not in imminent danger, I leave the teachers to do their work.
However, a few episodes at Lyra's infant care made me see red. To begin with, the teachers there are not that fantastic. They are quite seasoned aunties and seem lacking in energy. Of the many times I have been there, I don't see them playing or engaging the children. Their function as 'teacher' is primarily care-givers; i.e feeding and cleaning.
Yesterday, when I was picking Lyra, I found my frozen BM had thawed in their freezer. Their bar fridge just wasn't cold enough. This is the second time it had happened. The 1st time, they claimed the electrician switched off the fridge to use the plug. They were unaware the milk has thawed on both occassions.
What was more appalling was the teachers suggested re-freezing so as not to waste the milk! I thought it is common knowledge that you should never re-freeze your thawed food. Had I not check the fridge, Lyra would have been drinking milk that has gone stale, fallen sick and we would be none the wiser. Sigh... In all, I discarded 9packets of BM. Had my supply been constant and abundant like when I had Lucas, I probably wouldn't have been upset... but this time round, my milk is dwindling and I had made it a point to wake up at 3 am to express so that Lyra would have sufficient. All my hard work down the drain literally. It was most upsetting.
The teachers are also very blur and will forget to tell me when Lyra runs out of clothes or diapers. They would use other kids clothes and hankies for her. It was sheer luck that I discovered so many of their mistakes because they prevent parents from entering the premises. I had ignored the instructions and went in daily anyways to check on my milk and Lyra's drawers. I wonder what other horrors there are and if I should change to another infant care, albeit at a less convenient location.
Anyway, I'm going to have a word with the Principal. I wouldn't mind forking out money to buy them a new fridge if I had to.
However, a few episodes at Lyra's infant care made me see red. To begin with, the teachers there are not that fantastic. They are quite seasoned aunties and seem lacking in energy. Of the many times I have been there, I don't see them playing or engaging the children. Their function as 'teacher' is primarily care-givers; i.e feeding and cleaning.
Yesterday, when I was picking Lyra, I found my frozen BM had thawed in their freezer. Their bar fridge just wasn't cold enough. This is the second time it had happened. The 1st time, they claimed the electrician switched off the fridge to use the plug. They were unaware the milk has thawed on both occassions.
What was more appalling was the teachers suggested re-freezing so as not to waste the milk! I thought it is common knowledge that you should never re-freeze your thawed food. Had I not check the fridge, Lyra would have been drinking milk that has gone stale, fallen sick and we would be none the wiser. Sigh... In all, I discarded 9packets of BM. Had my supply been constant and abundant like when I had Lucas, I probably wouldn't have been upset... but this time round, my milk is dwindling and I had made it a point to wake up at 3 am to express so that Lyra would have sufficient. All my hard work down the drain literally. It was most upsetting.
The teachers are also very blur and will forget to tell me when Lyra runs out of clothes or diapers. They would use other kids clothes and hankies for her. It was sheer luck that I discovered so many of their mistakes because they prevent parents from entering the premises. I had ignored the instructions and went in daily anyways to check on my milk and Lyra's drawers. I wonder what other horrors there are and if I should change to another infant care, albeit at a less convenient location.
Anyway, I'm going to have a word with the Principal. I wouldn't mind forking out money to buy them a new fridge if I had to.
Tuesday 2 December 2008
Topsy turvy Lyra
Lyra has adjusted to the infant care... hooray! Now, she will smile, laugh and chat with the teachers. She is a chatter-box and loves to have people parked right in front of her yakking away. Typical girl... I can see exploding phone bills in future. And there must be eye-to-eye contact when you chat with her or she will protest.
She is quite amazing. She is only 2 months and 3 weeks but her development surpasses the norm. Already, she is able to lift her upper body up on her arms and is able to turn from her front to her back. Lucas could do all these only when he was about 3-4 months and that was considered fast! We found that she could flip on one of the weekends when I distinctively remembered putting her on her tummy only to find her on her back a few minutes later. Sometimes, she shocks herself awake at night cos she turned from her favourite tummy pose to her back. After which she will wake up the entire neighbourhood (except Vinc) with her wails
Compared to some of the other infants I have seen, she is really very responsive; definitely not a 'gong kia'. :) I think in a year or so, I'll have my hands full with 2 fiery tempered and equally stubborn kids. And I think Lucas and Lyra are equally matched... ... although I suspect Lucas will probably be at the losing end in most battles. Not because he is weaker but because he is tough on the outside and a softie on the inside. He will probably give in to mei-mei and kick himself for it. Sigh,... ... I really love the 2 of them to bits... ...
She is quite amazing. She is only 2 months and 3 weeks but her development surpasses the norm. Already, she is able to lift her upper body up on her arms and is able to turn from her front to her back. Lucas could do all these only when he was about 3-4 months and that was considered fast! We found that she could flip on one of the weekends when I distinctively remembered putting her on her tummy only to find her on her back a few minutes later. Sometimes, she shocks herself awake at night cos she turned from her favourite tummy pose to her back. After which she will wake up the entire neighbourhood (except Vinc) with her wails
Compared to some of the other infants I have seen, she is really very responsive; definitely not a 'gong kia'. :) I think in a year or so, I'll have my hands full with 2 fiery tempered and equally stubborn kids. And I think Lucas and Lyra are equally matched... ... although I suspect Lucas will probably be at the losing end in most battles. Not because he is weaker but because he is tough on the outside and a softie on the inside. He will probably give in to mei-mei and kick himself for it. Sigh,... ... I really love the 2 of them to bits... ...
Monday 1 December 2008
Migraine again
Today is my 1st day back at work after 11 weeks of Maternity Leave. I wonder if it is coincidence that my migraine attacked yesterday and today. :P
To be truthful, I haven't been completely out of touch with work either as my itchy backside will itch to log on and my fingers prompted to punch a few email replies. But I have tried very hard to curb the urge so these are limited to really VIPs (very important projects).
My colleagues are glad to have me back and already they have handed the projects they were covering back to me. I had requested to meet them tomorrow to hand over,... but guess they couldn't wait. :) Which is just as well since I don't want to sit and laze around.
For the rest of my ML, I'll be taking Wednesdays off till July 2009. I'm not sure if this will materialise as I'm workaholic and I can't leave work undone on a Wednesday. But I'll definitely try my best. Think I'll sign Lucas up for some fun courses to do then I'll have little choice but make sure I'm out of office.
From now till Lyra progresses to childcare in March 2010, my mornings and evening will have to run like clockwork so that I can send Lyra to infant care, Lucas to childcare, me to get to office on time and then the cycle repeats in reverse for evenings. I would also have to plan my day tightly so that I can express my milk at 10am, 1 and 4 pm. Unlike in MCYS (where my colleagues who are mostly parents), I doubt my colleagues here (who are mostly singles) will be as understanding and tolerant of my milk production schedule. And this time, it will really be a challenge since my milk factory is malfunctioning and barely meeting demand. Wonder if stress-laden milk will impact the taste and qaulity of milk.
To be truthful, I haven't been completely out of touch with work either as my itchy backside will itch to log on and my fingers prompted to punch a few email replies. But I have tried very hard to curb the urge so these are limited to really VIPs (very important projects).
My colleagues are glad to have me back and already they have handed the projects they were covering back to me. I had requested to meet them tomorrow to hand over,... but guess they couldn't wait. :) Which is just as well since I don't want to sit and laze around.
For the rest of my ML, I'll be taking Wednesdays off till July 2009. I'm not sure if this will materialise as I'm workaholic and I can't leave work undone on a Wednesday. But I'll definitely try my best. Think I'll sign Lucas up for some fun courses to do then I'll have little choice but make sure I'm out of office.
From now till Lyra progresses to childcare in March 2010, my mornings and evening will have to run like clockwork so that I can send Lyra to infant care, Lucas to childcare, me to get to office on time and then the cycle repeats in reverse for evenings. I would also have to plan my day tightly so that I can express my milk at 10am, 1 and 4 pm. Unlike in MCYS (where my colleagues who are mostly parents), I doubt my colleagues here (who are mostly singles) will be as understanding and tolerant of my milk production schedule. And this time, it will really be a challenge since my milk factory is malfunctioning and barely meeting demand. Wonder if stress-laden milk will impact the taste and qaulity of milk.
Cheeky monkey & chubby hamster
Lucas is really a proud Gor Gor. And he loves Lyra very much; never failing to kiss and hug her or sing and 'perform' for her. But lately, he has also been displaying som anxiety traits. He has been wetting his undies at night and recently he has been testing Vinc and my patience. He is also beginning to talk back and at times his rudeness is appalling. Just 2 days back, he asked if I was deaf... because I had asked him to brush his teeth twice even though he had responded the 1st time that he IS brushing his teeth. He would also want to do the same things as Lyra such as having milk when she is feeding or showering when Lyra is having her evening wipe down. Weekends are the worst as he is cooped at home all day. Half the time, he is asking if we can play with him. I'm usually too tied up with either doing housework or fussing over Lyra.
I think he is trying his best to adjust and I try to spend a little more attention and time on him but that's really also very limited. I'm sure it's tough on him.
Tuesday 18 November 2008
Suffer the little children...
My heart aches every time I read something like this in the papers. I don't understand how some people or worse, some parents, can treat defenseless children with such cruelty and brutality.
On Saturday, there was also an article about a little child dying at 1 years old because of a border strife in Myanmmar. She is just 1 of thousands dying of hunger, neglect and abuse.
At times when I read such reports, I wondered why God had allowed things like that to happen. I also wished I could do more to help and change the world, beyond just contributing money to World Vision. Then I grow frustrated at my own limitations and constraints.
On Saturday, there was also an article about a little child dying at 1 years old because of a border strife in Myanmmar. She is just 1 of thousands dying of hunger, neglect and abuse.
At times when I read such reports, I wondered why God had allowed things like that to happen. I also wished I could do more to help and change the world, beyond just contributing money to World Vision. Then I grow frustrated at my own limitations and constraints.
Wednesday 12 November 2008
Lyra's 1st day
Today, Lyra went to the infant care for the 1st time. And unlike the usual mornings, she was not as chirpy and responsive as before. She is quite a sensitive child so I think she had some inkling as to what's going on.
When we got to the infant care and I put her in her crib, she looked around very suspiciously. Attempts to make her smile were futile, which is quite rare. She usually smiles quite readily for granny and me. We left quite quickly as we could sense that the teachers would prefer to not have us around.
Unlike with Lucas's 1st day at the infant care, I felt the separation anxiety this time. I left the centre with a very heavy heart. Maybe because Lucas is a boy and I had expected him to be very adaptable, whereas for Lyra, I had a soft spot for her. Within 1 hour, I was missing her. I had originally intended to enjoy the 'off' day and go shopping, but in the end, I went home, mope around and did some house work before heading out to run errands. Then I went to pick Lucas up earlier than usual so that we could both go pick Lyra.
Lyra didn't look happy when we were there. The teachers claimed she didn't cry and that she adapted well. I knew it wasn't true. There were still tears glistening at the corner of her eyes and she looked very tired. She drifted to sleep the minute she was in my sarong. When we got home, she woke up and started crying. Her voice was hoarse. My heart broke. I think she must have cried and yelled the whole day to be carried. The teachers had also insisted on swaddling and having her sleep on her back (to reduce SID) but she has always been sleeping on her tummy since a couple weeks old! Granny and I carried, rocked and tried to soothe her. But the minute we put her down, she cried to be carried again. She didn't smile or babbled when we gave her her evening wipe down. That's usually her favourite and she is normally very responsive. But today, she is a different girl. She just stared very intently at us.
During bed time, as advised by the teacher, to get her used to swaddling and sleeping on her back, I swaddled her and put her to sleep on her back. She was clearly uncomfortable. I was expecting her to scream, like she usually does when uncomfortable. But all she did struggle a little and made some whimper. It's like her spirit broke. And my heart broke too. :( After almost 30 mins, she drifted off to sleep.
Today, I felt horrible. I felt bad about her hoarse voice and her having a rough day. I know she will eventually adapt and this is unlikely to hurt her much... but that knowledge doesn't do much to lessen the guilt I felt. Today, I felt that same guilt and heartache as the day I was forced to leave Lucas's crying outside TTSH's meeting room when it was clearly time to go home. Today, I felt like I'm the world's worst mom.
When we got to the infant care and I put her in her crib, she looked around very suspiciously. Attempts to make her smile were futile, which is quite rare. She usually smiles quite readily for granny and me. We left quite quickly as we could sense that the teachers would prefer to not have us around.
Unlike with Lucas's 1st day at the infant care, I felt the separation anxiety this time. I left the centre with a very heavy heart. Maybe because Lucas is a boy and I had expected him to be very adaptable, whereas for Lyra, I had a soft spot for her. Within 1 hour, I was missing her. I had originally intended to enjoy the 'off' day and go shopping, but in the end, I went home, mope around and did some house work before heading out to run errands. Then I went to pick Lucas up earlier than usual so that we could both go pick Lyra.
Lyra didn't look happy when we were there. The teachers claimed she didn't cry and that she adapted well. I knew it wasn't true. There were still tears glistening at the corner of her eyes and she looked very tired. She drifted to sleep the minute she was in my sarong. When we got home, she woke up and started crying. Her voice was hoarse. My heart broke. I think she must have cried and yelled the whole day to be carried. The teachers had also insisted on swaddling and having her sleep on her back (to reduce SID) but she has always been sleeping on her tummy since a couple weeks old! Granny and I carried, rocked and tried to soothe her. But the minute we put her down, she cried to be carried again. She didn't smile or babbled when we gave her her evening wipe down. That's usually her favourite and she is normally very responsive. But today, she is a different girl. She just stared very intently at us.
During bed time, as advised by the teacher, to get her used to swaddling and sleeping on her back, I swaddled her and put her to sleep on her back. She was clearly uncomfortable. I was expecting her to scream, like she usually does when uncomfortable. But all she did struggle a little and made some whimper. It's like her spirit broke. And my heart broke too. :( After almost 30 mins, she drifted off to sleep.
Today, I felt horrible. I felt bad about her hoarse voice and her having a rough day. I know she will eventually adapt and this is unlikely to hurt her much... but that knowledge doesn't do much to lessen the guilt I felt. Today, I felt that same guilt and heartache as the day I was forced to leave Lucas's crying outside TTSH's meeting room when it was clearly time to go home. Today, I felt like I'm the world's worst mom.
Tuesday 11 November 2008
Priority seat?
I blogged about how people no longer give up their seats sometime back when I was preggy. Recently, all the corner seats in trains have a priority seat sticker. I'm 'entitled' to have a priority seat since I have both Lyra and Lucas, not to mention the 'luggage' that we drag along.
But so far, I have hardly been offered a seat; not even if I were to make my pressence felt right in front of those inconsiderate people glued to these priority seats. Today, I was again left standing while the 2 ladies occupying those blasted seats just glanced at me and looked away. The guy next to them also looked at me, gave the ladies a nasty look and then looked away as it was none of his business.
Argh... I wouldn't have been so mad if the stickers weren't there... but to remain so obviously callous about their own bad behaviour simply leaves me speechless. And the guy seated next to them must have felt very self-righteous... but to me, he is just as bad. He could have given up his seat too. There is really no excuse for bad behaviour.
And to add insult to injury, I wasn't able to board the lift even though I was the 1st to queue up. I stepped aside to let the people out and when the lift was almost cleared, everyone else rushed in. I had Lyra with me so I didn't want to risk pushing with them. But I gave all of them a nasty look and said very loudly that they ought to be ashamed. The person closest to the door then stepped out. I thanked him and walked in. After that, everyone waited till I was out before rushing out.
What has become of simple courtesy and graciousness? These are educated professionals!
But so far, I have hardly been offered a seat; not even if I were to make my pressence felt right in front of those inconsiderate people glued to these priority seats. Today, I was again left standing while the 2 ladies occupying those blasted seats just glanced at me and looked away. The guy next to them also looked at me, gave the ladies a nasty look and then looked away as it was none of his business.
Argh... I wouldn't have been so mad if the stickers weren't there... but to remain so obviously callous about their own bad behaviour simply leaves me speechless. And the guy seated next to them must have felt very self-righteous... but to me, he is just as bad. He could have given up his seat too. There is really no excuse for bad behaviour.
And to add insult to injury, I wasn't able to board the lift even though I was the 1st to queue up. I stepped aside to let the people out and when the lift was almost cleared, everyone else rushed in. I had Lyra with me so I didn't want to risk pushing with them. But I gave all of them a nasty look and said very loudly that they ought to be ashamed. The person closest to the door then stepped out. I thanked him and walked in. After that, everyone waited till I was out before rushing out.
What has become of simple courtesy and graciousness? These are educated professionals!
Friday 7 November 2008
Land where dreams come true...
It was supposed to be a fun-filled 4 days in Hong Kong, comprising Ocean Park and DisneyLand. It was fun but not as much as I had expected. For a start, I missed Lyra much more than I thought I would. In fact, on the 1st night, I was starting to tear and had really wanted to go home. I called home every night and my mom told me Lyra adapted very well, even sleeping through the night,... but that was only while I was away. The minute I was back, she went back to waking for feeds. Guess she could smell the milk machine.Lucas and I went to Ocean Park on the 2nd day while Vinc went Hi-Fi scavenging. Ocean Park outing was off to a bad start. It was pouring cats and dogs when we arrived at Ocean Park. The ponchos I bought were scarcely able to keep us dry. It was miserable as Lucas was really looking forward to it. The rides in the Kidsworld were cancelled, the games stalls were practically closed and the shows were also cancelled. So we walked around in the rain looking for stuff to do and in the end, decided to just skip the Kidsworld, take the cable car and head for lunch.
The cable car ride was about 20 mins and the view was great. I'm not a fan of heights so I didn't enjoy it as much as Lucas did. He had a good time gloating over my fear and poking fun at me. Then we took a long leisurely lunch. For once, I need not hurry Lucas to eat his meal and he seems to enjoy the food more. Thankfully, the rain stopped after lunch. We caught the Raging River raft ride and some sedentary merry-go-rounds. The rest of the rides are for teens and adults. The highlight is probably the 4 storey high aquarium. It had a good selection of big fishies and was an eye-opener for Lucas.
One of the things that really got me was the place was meant to be kids friendly but all the displays were out of their line of sight so I had to carry Lucas for most of them. That was quite tough as Lucas is now 17 kg. US aquariums are a lot more friendly with 2 view holes- one for kids and one for adults.
Frankly, having seen the aquarium in Monterey Bay, California, I haven't seen anything that matched the quality and quantity of display. Even Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta didn't match up.
We went to DisneyLand the next day. Compared to Tokyo Disney Land, I think Tokyo's better. HK's had very limited rides that were fun and exciting. I think the best age to go would be 3-4 years old. Older kids would have found it a bore. Girls who are into princessy things would probably like it too. Only a few rides and shows were really worth the dough; Lion King's Festival Musical was awesome, Mickey's 3D Magical show was 1 of the best 3D shows I watched, Stitch Encounter was quite entertaining and the River Cruise was not too bad. Lucas enjoyed himself and was so tired out the 1st day that he missed the booming parade that went by.
We had a 2-day pass but spent only 1.5 days there. I think 1.5 days is about right, allowing you enough time to explore and take some repeated rides. 1 day would have been a bit rushed.
The 4 days went by quickly but I was glad to be home to see Lyra. I told Lucas that we will go back to DisneyLand again when Lyra is 3 years old. Maybe we could head for a more exciting DisneyLand then. :)
More pics here.
Sunday 2 November 2008
Direct from the airport @ 0700 hrs
Lucas, Vinc and myself will be boarding the plane in another 30 mins and since I have some time on hands, thought I'll do a quick entry.
The 3 of us will be heading to Hong Kong for a 4 day fun-filled tour of Ocean Park and Disney Land. The trip is meant to allow us some private time with Lucas. With the arrival of Lyra, it is inevitable that Lucas might feel a bit neglected so this trip will allow him some undivided attention.
Since Lyra is only 6 weeks, I had thought it wouldn't pose much of a problem to leave her with my mum, and a big storage of BMilk. At 6 weeks, babies generally do not have any attachment or recognition of their main care givers. I was wrong.
Last night, Lyra had a tough time adjusting. She obviously knows granny is not mummy and cried very pitifully. She also rejected the milk bottle. After almost 2 hours of crying, she drifted off to sleep, only to wake up 1 hour later. Again, she rejected attempts to bottle feed her. Sigh... we had assumed that since she is okay with the bottle in the day, she would be okay at night. :( I felt horrible. Every cry tug at me and I had to control my tears.
Then my mom had an idea. She tossed one of my well-worn t-shirt over her shoulder and immediately, Lyra calmed down. The smell must have been familiar and soothed her.
Anyway, I hope and pray that she will adjust well. More updates again when I'm back.
The 3 of us will be heading to Hong Kong for a 4 day fun-filled tour of Ocean Park and Disney Land. The trip is meant to allow us some private time with Lucas. With the arrival of Lyra, it is inevitable that Lucas might feel a bit neglected so this trip will allow him some undivided attention.
Since Lyra is only 6 weeks, I had thought it wouldn't pose much of a problem to leave her with my mum, and a big storage of BMilk. At 6 weeks, babies generally do not have any attachment or recognition of their main care givers. I was wrong.
Last night, Lyra had a tough time adjusting. She obviously knows granny is not mummy and cried very pitifully. She also rejected the milk bottle. After almost 2 hours of crying, she drifted off to sleep, only to wake up 1 hour later. Again, she rejected attempts to bottle feed her. Sigh... we had assumed that since she is okay with the bottle in the day, she would be okay at night. :( I felt horrible. Every cry tug at me and I had to control my tears.
Then my mom had an idea. She tossed one of my well-worn t-shirt over her shoulder and immediately, Lyra calmed down. The smell must have been familiar and soothed her.
Anyway, I hope and pray that she will adjust well. More updates again when I'm back.
Friday 17 October 2008
All in good time
I had planned my life according to a timeline. I wanted to be married by 26 years old, have my 1st kid by 28, 2nd by 30, own a condo by 30 and retire by 58. So far, I'm behind my plan by 2 years.
After I had Lucas, I wanted a 2 year gap before No.2. I read and heard that 2 years gap is the best as they can have a playmate. I was successful and got pregnant. But I miscarried. I tried and once again, I miscarried. The 2nd miscarriage was devastating. I was really disappointed and discouraged. And I was pressed for time. By then, the gap was 3 years. Yes, I'm a very goal-oriented person. :P
About this time I stopped praying. I had prayed fervently for the safety of the baby and I felt betrayed when I miscarried a 2nd time.
I went for TCM and gave myself 1 last chance. I was very blessed to have Lyra. The age gap is almost 4 years, way behind my intended 2 years.
On hindsight, the delayed gap turned out to be a good thing. Lucas is at the age where he can be reasoned with and understood why we couldn't spend as much time with him. He had also been a great little helper. Had I been successful in my planning, I doubt I would have coped as well. Lucas would have been too young and clingy.
My colleague told me everything happens in God's time and we wouldn't be able to understand his plans. She gave me a book which talked about Grace-based Parenting.
Recently, I started praying again. I used to pray that Lucas will turn out to be a good person. But now, I prayed that I would be guided by His hand to teach and parent Lucas and Lyra in his grace. The difference between the 2? The first had the assumption I'm the best parent and the end result is up to God. The 2nd is humbled and acknowledges that we are not the best parent, although we try to be.
After I had Lucas, I wanted a 2 year gap before No.2. I read and heard that 2 years gap is the best as they can have a playmate. I was successful and got pregnant. But I miscarried. I tried and once again, I miscarried. The 2nd miscarriage was devastating. I was really disappointed and discouraged. And I was pressed for time. By then, the gap was 3 years. Yes, I'm a very goal-oriented person. :P
About this time I stopped praying. I had prayed fervently for the safety of the baby and I felt betrayed when I miscarried a 2nd time.
I went for TCM and gave myself 1 last chance. I was very blessed to have Lyra. The age gap is almost 4 years, way behind my intended 2 years.
On hindsight, the delayed gap turned out to be a good thing. Lucas is at the age where he can be reasoned with and understood why we couldn't spend as much time with him. He had also been a great little helper. Had I been successful in my planning, I doubt I would have coped as well. Lucas would have been too young and clingy.
My colleague told me everything happens in God's time and we wouldn't be able to understand his plans. She gave me a book which talked about Grace-based Parenting.
Recently, I started praying again. I used to pray that Lucas will turn out to be a good person. But now, I prayed that I would be guided by His hand to teach and parent Lucas and Lyra in his grace. The difference between the 2? The first had the assumption I'm the best parent and the end result is up to God. The 2nd is humbled and acknowledges that we are not the best parent, although we try to be.
Half of what I was... but happier...
Recently, a friend whom I know half my life commented that I have changed, that she could see I'm now 'at peace'. Her comment came as a surprised because I never thought I was not 'at peace'. In fact, I had always lived with the view that should I collapse at my laptop the next second, I would have no regrets. She didn't elaborate more and I didn't ask.
Then I read Ms Sui's blog about her reflections on her experience being a short-termed SAHM and her experience. I read it with interest because she sounded like ME more than a decade ago. We both seemed to have lived our life in a reversed cycle.
I had lived my life on the edge, done things I'm both proud and not so proud of. I have climbed mountains and backpacked alone to far-flung places where you had to dig your own shit hole, took some risks and some absolutely stupid chances, took many less travelled routes and hurt far too many people. I have gone to the 'woods', chopped down some trees and chatted with the monkeys. But I was never as happy as I am now.
I think my desire to live life with vengence stemmed from my fear of normality. I was afraid of the mundane, of living the life of average Joe or Jane. I lived with the assumption "there must be more than life than xxx". Yet, in a very oxy-moronic way, I felt there was nothing else life could give, so I lived with total abandonment. In a way, I think I resembled the character, Tristan (played by Brad Pitt), in Legends of the Fall. I was searching for something but I didn't know what it was.
I'm not sure what changed me. Maybe it was age, maybe it was on that particular night, on the edge of my window when I heard what I thought was God, or maybe it was just having kids. Normality and the mundane no longer scares me. In fact, I kind of enjoy it now. I think I have had enough of the 'been there, done that' that I no longer crave for the unknown. In a way, I am half of what I was and yet fuller than what I was.
Life is Life - there isn't a more or less to it, and there is only NOW. So, I guess you can live your life to the fullest in many ways and the point is to be happy with the present.
If I had to live my life over again, would I? Heck, yeah... with all the scraps and cuts in a heartbeat.
Then I read Ms Sui's blog about her reflections on her experience being a short-termed SAHM and her experience. I read it with interest because she sounded like ME more than a decade ago. We both seemed to have lived our life in a reversed cycle.
I had lived my life on the edge, done things I'm both proud and not so proud of. I have climbed mountains and backpacked alone to far-flung places where you had to dig your own shit hole, took some risks and some absolutely stupid chances, took many less travelled routes and hurt far too many people. I have gone to the 'woods', chopped down some trees and chatted with the monkeys. But I was never as happy as I am now.
I think my desire to live life with vengence stemmed from my fear of normality. I was afraid of the mundane, of living the life of average Joe or Jane. I lived with the assumption "there must be more than life than xxx
I'm not sure what changed me. Maybe it was age, maybe it was on that particular night, on the edge of my window when I heard what I thought was God, or maybe it was just having kids. Normality and the mundane no longer scares me. In fact, I kind of enjoy it now. I think I have had enough of the 'been there, done that' that I no longer crave for the unknown. In a way, I am half of what I was and yet fuller than what I was.
Life is Life - there isn't a more or less to it, and there is only NOW. So, I guess you can live your life to the fullest in many ways and the point is to be happy with the present.
If I had to live my life over again, would I? Heck, yeah... with all the scraps and cuts in a heartbeat.
Wednesday 8 October 2008
When you have time on your hands...
My confinement period is almost up and I'm planning on a food rampage. I miss laksa and I miss ice-cream. And of course I miss a nice ice cold fizz. Yum...
After my confinement, I would still have about 4 weeks of leave. I'm already thinking of the options I have to utilise them. The options are of course limited to breast-feeding friendly places since I will have Lyra dangling off my boobs. But I realised (actually I realised this many years ago), I'm really a bore. I have absolutely no idea where and what I can do when I have free time.
Just yesterday, Ms Sui asked me what I would do if I have 3 hours of free time... I gave it really a hard think... and then I told her roller-blading and hanging out at some alfresco dining with a good book. I was actually just trying to be clever and 'hip'. Well, at least they seemed like hippy ideas.
But seriously, I wouldn't do that. Imagine, I would have to travel to East Coast and then blade around like a lonely idiot! Pigging out at some buffet seems not too bad, but food just don't taste half as good alone. So I don't think I would do what I suggested at all. Mostly likely, I would stick around at home, staring at my PC, hoping for some work emails so that I can be kept occupied. Yes,... I lead quite a pathetic life.
I'm still raking for ideas so if you have some, do let me know. Do bear in mind about my 'boob-extension' though. ;)
After my confinement, I would still have about 4 weeks of leave. I'm already thinking of the options I have to utilise them. The options are of course limited to breast-feeding friendly places since I will have Lyra dangling off my boobs. But I realised (actually I realised this many years ago), I'm really a bore. I have absolutely no idea where and what I can do when I have free time.
Just yesterday, Ms Sui asked me what I would do if I have 3 hours of free time... I gave it really a hard think... and then I told her roller-blading and hanging out at some alfresco dining with a good book. I was actually just trying to be clever and 'hip'. Well, at least they seemed like hippy ideas.
But seriously, I wouldn't do that. Imagine, I would have to travel to East Coast and then blade around like a lonely idiot! Pigging out at some buffet seems not too bad, but food just don't taste half as good alone. So I don't think I would do what I suggested at all. Mostly likely, I would stick around at home, staring at my PC, hoping for some work emails so that I can be kept occupied. Yes,... I lead quite a pathetic life.
I'm still raking for ideas so if you have some, do let me know. Do bear in mind about my 'boob-extension' though. ;)
Friday 3 October 2008
You'll never walk alone...
Lucas has been 'branding' the whole family in numbers with his marker the past 2 days. He wrote '1' on all of our hands; grandpa, grandma, daddy, mommy and himself. Lyra was spared as I told him she may be sensetive to the ink. And the reason for his 'label'? He said since he has numbered all of us as '1', if any of us got lost, others can help us find each other. That way, we will never lose one another. Brilliant!
Sunday 21 September 2008
Say cheese
I forgot how amazing it was to watch babies change everyday. Below are some updated pics.
Lucas is coping quite well and has been a great gor gor. He helps around with some of the chores like running for the diapers. When Lyra cries, he will quickly take a look and try to make funny faces to entertain her. Naturally, he has been a bit whiny and more sticky, but he tries to manage it and is understanding when we explain why I'm not available some times. I'm very proud of him. He is showing a lot of maturity. Occasionally, when he gets a bit out of hand, I remind myself that he is afterall coming to 4 years old. This is not an easy time for him and he will need time to adjust to the transition.
Lucas is coping quite well and has been a great gor gor. He helps around with some of the chores like running for the diapers. When Lyra cries, he will quickly take a look and try to make funny faces to entertain her. Naturally, he has been a bit whiny and more sticky, but he tries to manage it and is understanding when we explain why I'm not available some times. I'm very proud of him. He is showing a lot of maturity. Occasionally, when he gets a bit out of hand, I remind myself that he is afterall coming to 4 years old. This is not an easy time for him and he will need time to adjust to the transition.
Wednesday 17 September 2008
Being mom the 2nd time
I thought I'm all prepared. But boy, is being a mom the 2nd time tough. I can't imagine how some of my friends cope with 3 & 4! Maybe it's age, maybe just the lack of time, now that everything has doubled (like laundry) and time remains the same.
But I'm enjoying the process and this time, I have my mom staying with me, so it is a lot easier. Plus, hubby's 'experienced' and he has been such a great help.
So far, many has commented that Lyra resembles Lucas. Judge for yourself.
Lyra being burped by mommy
Lucas being burped by daddy
Lyra's bath
Lucas's bath
Lyra at 2 days old
Lucas at 2 days old
Can you tell them apart?
But I'm enjoying the process and this time, I have my mom staying with me, so it is a lot easier. Plus, hubby's 'experienced' and he has been such a great help.
So far, many has commented that Lyra resembles Lucas. Judge for yourself.
Lyra being burped by mommy
Lucas being burped by daddy
Lyra's bath
Lucas's bath
Lyra at 2 days old
Lucas at 2 days oldCan you tell them apart?
Friday 5 September 2008
Lunch @ Lawry's
I had a nice (and very expensive) lunch with hubby at Lawry's yesterday. I was clearing my leave and Lawry's had what sounded to be a very worthwhile 1-for-1 lunch promotion. So hubby and I thought we should give it a try.
His verdict and mine were mixed... but we concurred that it is one of those places you will go only once. The ambience and the service were what we expected of a classy place, although it was pretty packed for a weekday lunch. Most diners appear to be there for the 1+1 promotion.
The lunch started quite awkwardly with a introduction from a young malay service staff. For some reason, she had a really weird twang and eccent, I couldn't make out 50% of what she was saying or introducing. I squinted and tried very hard to lip read without much success. Hubby and I looked quizzically at each other.
After the heavily eccented girl was done with her introduction, another staff promptly served some warm bread. I took a few bites for taste. It was fresh, soft and warm but otherwise unimpressive. Once I laid down my bread, the 'salad girl' pushed a rolling 'salad' table over and introduced us to the "spinning bowl' salad. The freshly tossed salad was quite appetizing but the tomatoes were a far cry from what Hubby had tasted at Akashi (which was flown in from Jap and supposedly tasted heavenly).
Next, we were served the steak. We ordered the Singapore Cut which was a bigger cut. The 'steak chef' was on hand to carve the steak with the appropriate doneness right beside the table. Mine was supposed to be well-done but it looked more medium done with pink streaks. The steak was juicy and tender with some bits of fat. It was quite good, although it wasn't the best steak I have had. The best I had tasted was when I stayed at Westin Buckhead in Atlanta. The horse radish (resembling wasabi) served with the steak is decent and provided a nice compliment. But the vegetable on the side (whipped potato and peas) were a disappointment. They tasted fozen and mass produced, not unlike those frozen packs you picked up at NTUC.
Overall, I think it's one of those places you want to go to just for the "been there' experience. For the price tag of about $120, after the 1+1 promotion, Hubby and I concluded we are not suited for high society living. As hubby said, the $1 coffee shop ice lemon tea tasted a lot nicer than the $6+++ one we had.
His verdict and mine were mixed... but we concurred that it is one of those places you will go only once. The ambience and the service were what we expected of a classy place, although it was pretty packed for a weekday lunch. Most diners appear to be there for the 1+1 promotion.
The lunch started quite awkwardly with a introduction from a young malay service staff. For some reason, she had a really weird twang and eccent, I couldn't make out 50% of what she was saying or introducing. I squinted and tried very hard to lip read without much success. Hubby and I looked quizzically at each other.
After the heavily eccented girl was done with her introduction, another staff promptly served some warm bread. I took a few bites for taste. It was fresh, soft and warm but otherwise unimpressive. Once I laid down my bread, the 'salad girl' pushed a rolling 'salad' table over and introduced us to the "spinning bowl' salad. The freshly tossed salad was quite appetizing but the tomatoes were a far cry from what Hubby had tasted at Akashi (which was flown in from Jap and supposedly tasted heavenly).
Next, we were served the steak. We ordered the Singapore Cut which was a bigger cut. The 'steak chef' was on hand to carve the steak with the appropriate doneness right beside the table. Mine was supposed to be well-done but it looked more medium done with pink streaks. The steak was juicy and tender with some bits of fat. It was quite good, although it wasn't the best steak I have had. The best I had tasted was when I stayed at Westin Buckhead in Atlanta. The horse radish (resembling wasabi) served with the steak is decent and provided a nice compliment. But the vegetable on the side (whipped potato and peas) were a disappointment. They tasted fozen and mass produced, not unlike those frozen packs you picked up at NTUC.
Overall, I think it's one of those places you want to go to just for the "been there' experience. For the price tag of about $120, after the 1+1 promotion, Hubby and I concluded we are not suited for high society living. As hubby said, the $1 coffee shop ice lemon tea tasted a lot nicer than the $6+++ one we had.
Wednesday 3 September 2008
Pride vs submission
Ms Sui's blog was in the mind since I read it. Loosely it's about the power play between women and men.
A few of my colleagues and close friends are very strong, independent and capable multi-taskers. They have strong views on life and they are obviously very modern women. At home, they adopt a different persona. They morphed into these manja, lovey-dovey, submissive women. They do not hide the fact that their husband decide on what they wear (which I thought was ridiculous), they put up with the husband's dismissive or patronising remarks, they let the husband make the major decisions, and the husband's needs take priority. The husband is KING. I used to scorn at how spineless they are and how they should learn to stand their ground. Yet, these are the girls I know who have the best relationships with their spouse.
I remember observing one such couple at my organisation's National Day Observance Ceremony a few weeks ago... They were there to watch their daughter perform. I know both the husband and the wife. The wife is quite an impressive worker and boss. But when she was with the husband at that auditorium, she was this giggly, soft-spoken, demuer 'thing'. I really couldn't reconcile the two. I observed her with both irritation, confusion and a twinge of envy. The couple looked like they were in a bubble of bliss, oblivious to the world.
I wondered if I have been too strong and independent for my own good. So much so people around me have come to expect that I should take care of not just myself but also the people around me. My husband knows I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I half think he expects it. My friends think the same, although a few of the wiser ones worry that I'm stretching it. And I have come to expect it of myself, even in the most unrealistic of times... I find it hard, extremely hard, to ask for help, even from the people closest to me. And when help is offered, I do not always take it. Over time, the offer of help dissipates, as to be expected.
What really made me realised it was a problem I needed to fix was when the comment of one of my colleagues when I took over some tasks I had delegated to him because I didn't want to burden him. He said, "You didn't really needed us. You did everything yourself in the end... I was really quite redundant." He probably said this half in jest or meant it as a compliment but I felt embarrassed. When you try to do everything yourself, you don't neccessarily end up helping others around you; you end up isolating them.
And I wondered if my hubby and people close to me felt that same. I wondered if in my zest and desire to do everything perfectly and not burdened anyone, I end up isolating them, making them feel redundant and dispensable. I would hate feeling that way, because one of the most powerful motivation is probably the feeling of being needed.
... Although, I don't think I'll morph into some giggly twerp... ...
A few of my colleagues and close friends are very strong, independent and capable multi-taskers. They have strong views on life and they are obviously very modern women. At home, they adopt a different persona. They morphed into these manja, lovey-dovey, submissive women. They do not hide the fact that their husband decide on what they wear (which I thought was ridiculous), they put up with the husband's dismissive or patronising remarks, they let the husband make the major decisions, and the husband's needs take priority. The husband is KING. I used to scorn at how spineless they are and how they should learn to stand their ground. Yet, these are the girls I know who have the best relationships with their spouse.
I remember observing one such couple at my organisation's National Day Observance Ceremony a few weeks ago... They were there to watch their daughter perform. I know both the husband and the wife. The wife is quite an impressive worker and boss. But when she was with the husband at that auditorium, she was this giggly, soft-spoken, demuer 'thing'. I really couldn't reconcile the two. I observed her with both irritation, confusion and a twinge of envy. The couple looked like they were in a bubble of bliss, oblivious to the world.
I wondered if I have been too strong and independent for my own good. So much so people around me have come to expect that I should take care of not just myself but also the people around me. My husband knows I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I half think he expects it. My friends think the same, although a few of the wiser ones worry that I'm stretching it. And I have come to expect it of myself, even in the most unrealistic of times... I find it hard, extremely hard, to ask for help, even from the people closest to me. And when help is offered, I do not always take it. Over time, the offer of help dissipates, as to be expected.
What really made me realised it was a problem I needed to fix was when the comment of one of my colleagues when I took over some tasks I had delegated to him because I didn't want to burden him. He said, "You didn't really needed us. You did everything yourself in the end... I was really quite redundant." He probably said this half in jest or meant it as a compliment but I felt embarrassed. When you try to do everything yourself, you don't neccessarily end up helping others around you; you end up isolating them.
And I wondered if my hubby and people close to me felt that same. I wondered if in my zest and desire to do everything perfectly and not burdened anyone, I end up isolating them, making them feel redundant and dispensable. I would hate feeling that way, because one of the most powerful motivation is probably the feeling of being needed.
... Although, I don't think I'll morph into some giggly twerp... ...
Tuesday 2 September 2008
Bout of blue
Maybe it is the lack of stress at work to occupy me... I've been having a bout of blues recently. Now that I have time on my hands with all my projects completed, I'm catching up with my facebook, emails and blogs. And it made me even more acutely aware of how cut off I've been.
Maybe it is the hormones going haywire in the last stage of pregnancy... or it is pre-partum disorder of sorts... I have been getting paranoia thoughts (again). I recently discovered how much I don't know about what's going on in my hubby's life, other than the fact that he is very engaged in playing WarCraft. Questions about how's his day renders the same "nothing much" answer. Unlike before, I no longer know who his friends are, how he spent his day, who he lunches with, what's his work like etc... For someone as control freak as me, it's actually quite scary not knowing.
But I'm also quite tired of asking because somehow I cut across as being interogative or being nosey or just plain controlling, even if I have the best intention of just making conversation. Somehow, it just my questions puts across the message.
I realised I feel the same anxiety about my friends too. I no longer know what's happening with my friends, other than maybe they had a kid or that they recently just went on a trip etc. I sometimes feel I'm alone... I feel (and fear) I'm losing touch and losing connection with those that matter to me.
I have lot of annual leave to clear... but I have no idea what to do with those and anyway, I have no interest to do anything at all. I've been sleeping a lot, and I end up even more tired. I read that all these are signs of depression. But I don't really feel that depressed... just lost and lonely.
My consolation is that I hope this is a passing phase and I'll swing back to my usual self in no time.
Maybe it is the hormones going haywire in the last stage of pregnancy... or it is pre-partum disorder of sorts... I have been getting paranoia thoughts (again). I recently discovered how much I don't know about what's going on in my hubby's life, other than the fact that he is very engaged in playing WarCraft. Questions about how's his day renders the same "nothing much" answer. Unlike before, I no longer know who his friends are, how he spent his day, who he lunches with, what's his work like etc... For someone as control freak as me, it's actually quite scary not knowing.
But I'm also quite tired of asking because somehow I cut across as being interogative or being nosey or just plain controlling, even if I have the best intention of just making conversation. Somehow, it just my questions puts across the message.
I realised I feel the same anxiety about my friends too. I no longer know what's happening with my friends, other than maybe they had a kid or that they recently just went on a trip etc. I sometimes feel I'm alone... I feel (and fear) I'm losing touch and losing connection with those that matter to me.
I have lot of annual leave to clear... but I have no idea what to do with those and anyway, I have no interest to do anything at all. I've been sleeping a lot, and I end up even more tired. I read that all these are signs of depression. But I don't really feel that depressed... just lost and lonely.
My consolation is that I hope this is a passing phase and I'll swing back to my usual self in no time.
Tuesday 26 August 2008
Placenta & cannibalism
There was an article on Sunday Times about a group of enterprising mommies who set up a service to encapsulate the placenta so that mommies (and their newborns) can eat the placenta. They are a bunch of medical professionals and lab assistants.
I marvel at the idea and I applaud their innovativeness. There are many articles on the benefits of consuming placenta and just as many that says it is an urban myth. For me, I belong to the former. You see this in the animal kingdom. Cats (wild and domestics), dogs, deers, horses (mammals mostly) consume their placenta immediately after birth. So why not humans? And there are tons and tons of beauty products and health supplements that contains placenta from animals. Some people go as far as to inject "Yang2 Tai1 Shu3" (goat's placenta) into their body to rejuvenate their skin. If I'm going to eat and spread the placenta of a goat, then why not my own?
Sure, the initial thought is disgusting of course, but hey, if it comes in capsules... I don't mind. I guess my fear is mitigated by the fact that I did not see my own placenta when Lucas was born... but the idea is probably revolting for Vinc who actually saw it in raw form. To many, it is probably a form of cannibalism, except that you are cannibalising yourself. (Hmmm, the idea appeals to the very morbid side of me... :) )
Anyway, after reading the article and a careful 5-sec deliberation, I emailed the ladies to ask for their service. It will cost me around $250 to have the placenta processed and put into capsules. I'll let you know if it is a worthwhile investment when I'm done popping all the pills.
I marvel at the idea and I applaud their innovativeness. There are many articles on the benefits of consuming placenta and just as many that says it is an urban myth. For me, I belong to the former. You see this in the animal kingdom. Cats (wild and domestics), dogs, deers, horses (mammals mostly) consume their placenta immediately after birth. So why not humans? And there are tons and tons of beauty products and health supplements that contains placenta from animals. Some people go as far as to inject "Yang2 Tai1 Shu3" (goat's placenta) into their body to rejuvenate their skin. If I'm going to eat and spread the placenta of a goat, then why not my own?
Sure, the initial thought is disgusting of course, but hey, if it comes in capsules... I don't mind. I guess my fear is mitigated by the fact that I did not see my own placenta when Lucas was born... but the idea is probably revolting for Vinc who actually saw it in raw form. To many, it is probably a form of cannibalism, except that you are cannibalising yourself. (Hmmm, the idea appeals to the very morbid side of me... :) )
Anyway, after reading the article and a careful 5-sec deliberation, I emailed the ladies to ask for their service. It will cost me around $250 to have the placenta processed and put into capsules. I'll let you know if it is a worthwhile investment when I'm done popping all the pills.
Sunday 24 August 2008
Love me not this way...
Recently, when Lucas doesn't get his way or when he gets scolded for doing something wrong, he will tell me, "You say you love me, love me is not this way." Yes, he is emotionally blackmailing me already.
I have tried explaining to him, there are many ways to love someone and show love and discipline is one of them. I tell him I love him so I want him to know what is right and wrong and loving him doesn't mean he gets everything he wants. He is beginning to understand although that pet phrase still recurs.
I have tried explaining to him, there are many ways to love someone and show love and discipline is one of them. I tell him I love him so I want him to know what is right and wrong and loving him doesn't mean he gets everything he wants. He is beginning to understand although that pet phrase still recurs.
Chilli Padi
My hopefully-soon-to-be-delivered Lyra that is... She is small(er) according to the Doc's estimation. It will be good if she hits 3 kg at birth. But I'm sceptical. Lucas was 3.27 kg at birth and in all, I gained 10 kg. This time round, I gained only 7 kg so simple maths will tell you she should be much lighter.
But judging by her Wu2 Ying2 Jiao3 (No-Shadow-Legs), she is anything but a weak gal. I have began to dub her as Chilli Padi... She gave me contractions a few days back and it turned out that while I had contractions, there was no dilation. I was advised to rest, monitor and wait 24 hours... supposedly, Lyra would be arriving within that 24 hours. Well, 24 hours came and gone and another few more 24 hours came and gone... I'm quite frustrated with the waiting. Her kicks are not the nice, sweet butterflies in the stomach kinda of feeling that preggies get. She takes glee in jabbing me in my sides and ribs. At times, her jabs will literally make me jump, at times, I will gasp as if someone punched me in my stomach. I'm really not complaining, but I'm also not relishing in the discomfort either.
The thing is, I'm impatient to see her. I have waited so long for this little precious girl and I have been through so much worry, doubt and fear that something would happen to her (as with the previous 2 miscarriages) that I just want her out so that I know she is safe and sound. Until I see her with my own eyes and hold her in my arms, I don't feel that I'm able to protect her. Yes, illogical... yet, I can't help the negative thoughts.
Lucas has been wonderful. Each time I groan or go 'ouch', Lucas will carress my tummy and advise, "Lyra, don't kick too hard okay? Mummy pain pain." I have a feeling that as much as Lucas is a kick ass boy, Lyra will probably have him twirled round her thumb... I think she could probably be the bully of the 2...
For now, it is just a waiting game.
(Update on Kovan breakins: I realised I forgot to close the loop on this. The culprit's been caught. He is a resident! Which explains why he knows the place so well and could have accessed the apartments. He is a 31 year old unemployed Singaporean Chinese. He was caught when he used one of the credit cards he stole to purchase a Rolex. Anyway, our petition worked. We will be getting the grilles installed at the Dev's cost.)
But judging by her Wu2 Ying2 Jiao3 (No-Shadow-Legs), she is anything but a weak gal. I have began to dub her as Chilli Padi... She gave me contractions a few days back and it turned out that while I had contractions, there was no dilation. I was advised to rest, monitor and wait 24 hours... supposedly, Lyra would be arriving within that 24 hours. Well, 24 hours came and gone and another few more 24 hours came and gone... I'm quite frustrated with the waiting. Her kicks are not the nice, sweet butterflies in the stomach kinda of feeling that preggies get. She takes glee in jabbing me in my sides and ribs. At times, her jabs will literally make me jump, at times, I will gasp as if someone punched me in my stomach. I'm really not complaining, but I'm also not relishing in the discomfort either.
The thing is, I'm impatient to see her. I have waited so long for this little precious girl and I have been through so much worry, doubt and fear that something would happen to her (as with the previous 2 miscarriages) that I just want her out so that I know she is safe and sound. Until I see her with my own eyes and hold her in my arms, I don't feel that I'm able to protect her. Yes, illogical... yet, I can't help the negative thoughts.
Lucas has been wonderful. Each time I groan or go 'ouch', Lucas will carress my tummy and advise, "Lyra, don't kick too hard okay? Mummy pain pain." I have a feeling that as much as Lucas is a kick ass boy, Lyra will probably have him twirled round her thumb... I think she could probably be the bully of the 2...
For now, it is just a waiting game.
(Update on Kovan breakins: I realised I forgot to close the loop on this. The culprit's been caught. He is a resident! Which explains why he knows the place so well and could have accessed the apartments. He is a 31 year old unemployed Singaporean Chinese. He was caught when he used one of the credit cards he stole to purchase a Rolex. Anyway, our petition worked. We will be getting the grilles installed at the Dev's cost.)
Sunday 17 August 2008
My projects just completed and I finally have some time to do non-work stuff. So one of the things I did was to browse through the blogs I have in my favourite.
And I read Vinc's blog with a sense of guilt and twinge of sadness. I know it was a passing episode and like him, I too wonder if I'm a good parent. I never quite got bothered about what other parents or adults think ... but I have been such from young. I never quite bothered with the opinions of inconsequential others.
Lucas IS very sticky to me and recently he has been displaying tantrums like this. He's usually okay and will not push his limits but these days, he will test and stretch our patience. I put it down to sibling anxiety. I heard it from several friends who had their second, that the 1st born gets difficult on purpose to draw your attention. Recently, whenever he is upset or me upset with him, he will cry "I want mommy to love me"... I don't know what gave the impression I don't... I guess at the "ONLY" that he left out in that comment.
But what struck a guilt chord in me is that I have always thought I'm the only one who is concerned with being a 'good parent'. Somehow, I had always thought Vinc is be not too bothered and at times I seethed at why he isn't trying harder to be a better parent... My mistake. I should have known better that most, if not all, parents want to do a better job.
I can identify with his longing for a break... I too have been desiring a break for a long long time. But our responsibilities demanded that we place our needs second. And at the back of my mind, I think of how short Lucas's childhood would be and how fast it will be before I lose him to a world of distractions from friends, school, CCAs, exams and so on. And how fast, "I want mommy" will be replaced by "I want freedom", "I want my own life". I'm always guided by not wanting to regret not spending time that inevitably I neglected Vinc. I had of course expected that him being adult and Lucas's dad, would have shared the same view as me. Guess I had been wrong.
To realise I was mistakened by reading his blog... well... ouch... I wondered what went wrong, when and how. Conversations are short these days. As much as I want t0 initiate a conversation, it never went beyond the mundane. I long to share about I feel about parenting Lucas, and I will always end up sharing it with my ex-colleagues, instead of Vinc. Maybe he too had the impression that I knew what I was doing since I always had this "I know better than thou" attitude. But truth be told, I'm clueless. My ex-colleagues are bombarded with emails asking for views and advise on parenting. I deemed them better parents than me.
Vinc thinks he is 2nd priority... as much and as hard as I try,... Lucas demands more of my time. And I can split myself in only so many ways. I don't know how I can do better or cope better... some thing has got to give... I can only be a good mom or good wife... somehow, I never manage being both. People tell me, I need to also have time for myself and as Fandi Ahmad's wife said, "you must take care of yourself before you can take care of your family". I wonder how?
And I read Vinc's blog with a sense of guilt and twinge of sadness. I know it was a passing episode and like him, I too wonder if I'm a good parent. I never quite got bothered about what other parents or adults think ... but I have been such from young. I never quite bothered with the opinions of inconsequential others.
Lucas IS very sticky to me and recently he has been displaying tantrums like this. He's usually okay and will not push his limits but these days, he will test and stretch our patience. I put it down to sibling anxiety. I heard it from several friends who had their second, that the 1st born gets difficult on purpose to draw your attention. Recently, whenever he is upset or me upset with him, he will cry "I want mommy to love me"... I don't know what gave the impression I don't... I guess at the "ONLY" that he left out in that comment.
But what struck a guilt chord in me is that I have always thought I'm the only one who is concerned with being a 'good parent'. Somehow, I had always thought Vinc is be not too bothered and at times I seethed at why he isn't trying harder to be a better parent... My mistake. I should have known better that most, if not all, parents want to do a better job.
I can identify with his longing for a break... I too have been desiring a break for a long long time. But our responsibilities demanded that we place our needs second. And at the back of my mind, I think of how short Lucas's childhood would be and how fast it will be before I lose him to a world of distractions from friends, school, CCAs, exams and so on. And how fast, "I want mommy" will be replaced by "I want freedom", "I want my own life". I'm always guided by not wanting to regret not spending time that inevitably I neglected Vinc. I had of course expected that him being adult and Lucas's dad, would have shared the same view as me. Guess I had been wrong.
To realise I was mistakened by reading his blog... well... ouch... I wondered what went wrong, when and how. Conversations are short these days. As much as I want t0 initiate a conversation, it never went beyond the mundane. I long to share about I feel about parenting Lucas, and I will always end up sharing it with my ex-colleagues, instead of Vinc. Maybe he too had the impression that I knew what I was doing since I always had this "I know better than thou" attitude. But truth be told, I'm clueless. My ex-colleagues are bombarded with emails asking for views and advise on parenting. I deemed them better parents than me.
Vinc thinks he is 2nd priority... as much and as hard as I try,... Lucas demands more of my time. And I can split myself in only so many ways. I don't know how I can do better or cope better... some thing has got to give... I can only be a good mom or good wife... somehow, I never manage being both. People tell me, I need to also have time for myself and as Fandi Ahmad's wife said, "you must take care of yourself before you can take care of your family". I wonder how?
Wednesday 6 August 2008
Much ado about parenthood incentives
Every few years when the gov decides to introduce a slew of measures to boost fertility rate, there would be much griping from singles on how they are being discriminated and how they are overlooked by the government. Then it would proceed into a free-for-all parents and pregnancy bashing campaign.
For a few nights in a row, this has kept me awake. It was triggered by Sumiko Tan's article lamenting about the injustice of any parenthood measures and the onslaught of forum reply supporting her cause. I was kept awake because I was mentally drafting a letter to her... but I never got round to doing it yet so I'm having my discourse here.
In ST's article and the many forum letters that followed, many lamented about the inconvenience that parents and pregnancy posed to them... e.g. pregnant women had to go for check ups, then they are off to 3 months of maternity, leaving the colleagues to cover the duties and parents had to take children to see docs etc. My question is.. how often does a woman get pregnant in her working life? 1, 2 maybe 3 times in the entire career. That's 36 weeks. Now, how many times does a man go on reservist in his entire career? He would have to go for reservist EVERY YEAR for a stretch of 2-3 weeks. At times, reservist calling in twice a year (like one of my colleague). You do the Math. And if you have an unfit colleague, there is also RT which sees him knocking off at 4 pm. Who covers for them? I'm sure the load is shared, regardless if you are pregnant or parents. And what more, the 2 years of NS is compensated in pay. I'm sure the pain, literary, that women go through for childbirth is no lesser than what men went through for NS. And the opportunity cost is just as high. You don't hear parents heave a hue and cry about this.
And I absolutely disagree with what many said that pregnancy affects work quality. What absolute rubbish. I find myself working harder and longer because I feel the need to prove that I'm just as effective and productive pregnant or not. In fact, I work even faster and make sure I complete my projects, knowing that I'll be away for maternity leave. Maybe a small percentage might take advantage of their condition... but that's not restricted to pregnancy... bad work ethics is not caused by pregnancy!
The singles who wrote also lamented that they can't take leave during the hols because the leave is 'reserved' for parents. REALLY! Singles have 10 months in which they can clear their leave anytime! And they want t gripe about parents who can only take leave during the school hols... and do they really want to pay the peak season charges and face the crowd of tourists during those period??? I think not. Unlike singles, parents can't go for long stretch holidays anyway; singles can CHOOSE to take 3 weeks and scoot off in a flash. Parents need to plan, way in advance, pay more, book early and face the crowd. Come on, a little give and take?
The singles also lamented that they too have parents to feed and therefore need more tax rebates like parents. Doesn't that then make married parents have a double whammy? They too have their own parents, plus the children, sometimes plus the spouse's parents, siblings and others. Unlike singles who needs only to be responsible for themselves and their parents, married parents often have more dependents. Yes, singles are contributing to society... but so are working mothers. The gov policies are sound. They support those who work.
In any case, it is NOT that the gov favours and values parents or devalues singles... It is a pragmatic choice to support parenthood. The nation needs to replace itself to sustain a growing economy. So the gov needs to have more babies now because 20-30 years down the road, they will be the ones to grow the economy. By then, taxes is likely to go up because it would then need to support the mass of singles and childless marrieds who are probably past their economic viable years. So it is a pragmatic choice. It doesn't make economic sense to rebate the singles now because it will not help the economy in the long run.
So for the singles who kick up a fuss and cry foul, bear in mind of the future hands that will feed Singapore and don't bite the hands that will feed you.
For a few nights in a row, this has kept me awake. It was triggered by Sumiko Tan's article lamenting about the injustice of any parenthood measures and the onslaught of forum reply supporting her cause. I was kept awake because I was mentally drafting a letter to her... but I never got round to doing it yet so I'm having my discourse here.
In ST's article and the many forum letters that followed, many lamented about the inconvenience that parents and pregnancy posed to them... e.g. pregnant women had to go for check ups, then they are off to 3 months of maternity, leaving the colleagues to cover the duties and parents had to take children to see docs etc. My question is.. how often does a woman get pregnant in her working life? 1, 2 maybe 3 times in the entire career. That's 36 weeks. Now, how many times does a man go on reservist in his entire career? He would have to go for reservist EVERY YEAR for a stretch of 2-3 weeks. At times, reservist calling in twice a year (like one of my colleague). You do the Math. And if you have an unfit colleague, there is also RT which sees him knocking off at 4 pm. Who covers for them? I'm sure the load is shared, regardless if you are pregnant or parents. And what more, the 2 years of NS is compensated in pay. I'm sure the pain, literary, that women go through for childbirth is no lesser than what men went through for NS. And the opportunity cost is just as high. You don't hear parents heave a hue and cry about this.
And I absolutely disagree with what many said that pregnancy affects work quality. What absolute rubbish. I find myself working harder and longer because I feel the need to prove that I'm just as effective and productive pregnant or not. In fact, I work even faster and make sure I complete my projects, knowing that I'll be away for maternity leave. Maybe a small percentage might take advantage of their condition... but that's not restricted to pregnancy... bad work ethics is not caused by pregnancy!
The singles who wrote also lamented that they can't take leave during the hols because the leave is 'reserved' for parents. REALLY! Singles have 10 months in which they can clear their leave anytime! And they want t gripe about parents who can only take leave during the school hols... and do they really want to pay the peak season charges and face the crowd of tourists during those period??? I think not. Unlike singles, parents can't go for long stretch holidays anyway; singles can CHOOSE to take 3 weeks and scoot off in a flash. Parents need to plan, way in advance, pay more, book early and face the crowd. Come on, a little give and take?
The singles also lamented that they too have parents to feed and therefore need more tax rebates like parents. Doesn't that then make married parents have a double whammy? They too have their own parents, plus the children, sometimes plus the spouse's parents, siblings and others. Unlike singles who needs only to be responsible for themselves and their parents, married parents often have more dependents. Yes, singles are contributing to society... but so are working mothers. The gov policies are sound. They support those who work.
In any case, it is NOT that the gov favours and values parents or devalues singles... It is a pragmatic choice to support parenthood. The nation needs to replace itself to sustain a growing economy. So the gov needs to have more babies now because 20-30 years down the road, they will be the ones to grow the economy. By then, taxes is likely to go up because it would then need to support the mass of singles and childless marrieds who are probably past their economic viable years. So it is a pragmatic choice. It doesn't make economic sense to rebate the singles now because it will not help the economy in the long run.
So for the singles who kick up a fuss and cry foul, bear in mind of the future hands that will feed Singapore and don't bite the hands that will feed you.
Lucas the octopus
Lucas is at the age where he says the darnest things... you really don't know whether to laugh or cry... He is quite KL (like mom) so some of the things he said really makes you quite "dui"... Here are some recent examples...
Episode 1
Lucas hold on to biscuit in one hand and a 0.20 cent coin in the other.
HS: Lucas, you have to hold me hand. This is a carpark you know.
Lucas: I hold biscuit in this hand (lifts left hand) and 20 cents in this hand (lifts right hand). You think I octopus ah? I have 2 hands only LEH...
HS: ... ...
Episode 2
At the carpark. HS walking behind Lucas.
Lucas: MOMMMMIEEEEEE, you not holding my hand! This is a carpark you know? If I don't remind you, you must remind yourself! hiaz... (holding on to HS's hand)
HS: ... ...
Episode 3
Lucas with Granny on a sunny day
Granny: Wah.. so hot... Lucas walk in the shade. So hot. Later you fall sick.
Lucas: Noooo, you must walk in the sun. Sun gives you Vitamin D.
Granny: Where got Vitamin? I cannot see...
Lucas: That's why lah.. you didn't walk in the sun, no vitamin, now cannot see also...
Granny: ... ...
Episode 4
Lucas using metal spoon over the open flame of the stove.
HS: LUCAS! Cannot play with fire! Do dangerous. Do you want to burn the house down???
Lucas: Won't, mommy. It is metal. Won't burn... you see your pot also metal.
HS: ... ... yes, but metal is a god conductor.. it will get hot and burn your hands!
Lucas: Nooooo mommy.., won't. When it gets hot, I'll drop the spoon (demonstrate by dropping the spoon). See, won't burn!
HS: ... ...
Usually, the arguments or rather conversation last longer than these but I'm often left flabbergasted.
Episode 1
Lucas hold on to biscuit in one hand and a 0.20 cent coin in the other.
HS: Lucas, you have to hold me hand. This is a carpark you know.
Lucas: I hold biscuit in this hand (lifts left hand) and 20 cents in this hand (lifts right hand). You think I octopus ah? I have 2 hands only LEH...
HS: ... ...
Episode 2
At the carpark. HS walking behind Lucas.
Lucas: MOMMMMIEEEEEE, you not holding my hand! This is a carpark you know? If I don't remind you, you must remind yourself! hiaz... (holding on to HS's hand)
HS: ... ...
Episode 3
Lucas with Granny on a sunny day
Granny: Wah.. so hot... Lucas walk in the shade. So hot. Later you fall sick.
Lucas: Noooo, you must walk in the sun. Sun gives you Vitamin D.
Granny: Where got Vitamin? I cannot see...
Lucas: That's why lah.. you didn't walk in the sun, no vitamin, now cannot see also...
Granny: ... ...
Episode 4
Lucas using metal spoon over the open flame of the stove.
HS: LUCAS! Cannot play with fire! Do dangerous. Do you want to burn the house down???
Lucas: Won't, mommy. It is metal. Won't burn... you see your pot also metal.
HS: ... ... yes, but metal is a god conductor.. it will get hot and burn your hands!
Lucas: Nooooo mommy.., won't. When it gets hot, I'll drop the spoon (demonstrate by dropping the spoon). See, won't burn!
HS: ... ...
Usually, the arguments or rather conversation last longer than these but I'm often left flabbergasted.
Monday 21 July 2008
Extolling the virtues of family dinners
My vendor sent me this really neat article extolling the virtues of having family dinner. The article is very well-written and very tongue-in-cheek.
I'm a firm believer of family dinners. I used to have them very regularly with my parents until the teenage angst set those dinners to be mini battle grounds.:) But it was a great time and my very democratic family strongly believed that if you have a point in your argument, it is a fair fight. So we have shouting matches at the dinner table. Everyone, and I do mean, everyone, is equal. No hierarchy, no "I'm dad so you jolly-well listen to me". At the end of it, some conclusions were drawn and we (my sis and I) were left with making what my parents hoped would be a wiser decision. And we end the evening clearing the table together and doing the dishes and other chores. Dinners bonded us. To the untrained eye, my family probably appeared dysfunctional.
It was at these family dinners, that I learnt that my views were valued and heard. I learnt that I have to speak my mind if I want to be heard and understood. Maybe that's why I'm a quarrelsome person to some... I relish in a good argument. Of course, it would have been much easier had my parents dictated how I should behave and decisions I ought to make- I wouldn't have taken roads less traveled, end up with possibly lesser heart-aches and probably be a lot more sane in mind.
But because I was given a chance to air my views at those dinners, a chance to make my own decisions, I also learnt to live by the consequences. I can't turn around and blame someone else. And I grew wiser in the wrong decisions I made and became stronger as a result of many failures. And in a very masochistic, egoistical way, Im actually rather smug about how I had been-there, done-that... Some people can only now dream or wish they had done exactly what I did with their life.
Much happened at those dinners. Besides arguments, we also shared many jokes and funny anecdotes about our friends, updates on our life etc. So it really pains me when my friends, colleagues and some parents I know don't eat dinners with their family. It is not a simple affair of just eating together... it is the whole magic behind that act, which opens up the doorway for more understanding and conversation. And it is a ritual that must have it roots early in the family tradition.
I'm a firm believer of family dinners. I used to have them very regularly with my parents until the teenage angst set those dinners to be mini battle grounds.:) But it was a great time and my very democratic family strongly believed that if you have a point in your argument, it is a fair fight. So we have shouting matches at the dinner table. Everyone, and I do mean, everyone, is equal. No hierarchy, no "I'm dad so you jolly-well listen to me". At the end of it, some conclusions were drawn and we (my sis and I) were left with making what my parents hoped would be a wiser decision. And we end the evening clearing the table together and doing the dishes and other chores. Dinners bonded us. To the untrained eye, my family probably appeared dysfunctional.
It was at these family dinners, that I learnt that my views were valued and heard. I learnt that I have to speak my mind if I want to be heard and understood. Maybe that's why I'm a quarrelsome person to some... I relish in a good argument. Of course, it would have been much easier had my parents dictated how I should behave and decisions I ought to make- I wouldn't have taken roads less traveled, end up with possibly lesser heart-aches and probably be a lot more sane in mind.
But because I was given a chance to air my views at those dinners, a chance to make my own decisions, I also learnt to live by the consequences. I can't turn around and blame someone else. And I grew wiser in the wrong decisions I made and became stronger as a result of many failures. And in a very masochistic, egoistical way, Im actually rather smug about how I had been-there, done-that... Some people can only now dream or wish they had done exactly what I did with their life.
Much happened at those dinners. Besides arguments, we also shared many jokes and funny anecdotes about our friends, updates on our life etc. So it really pains me when my friends, colleagues and some parents I know don't eat dinners with their family. It is not a simple affair of just eating together... it is the whole magic behind that act, which opens up the doorway for more understanding and conversation. And it is a ritual that must have it roots early in the family tradition.
We have 200
We managed to collect about 200 signatures and the letter was submitted in. The Developer gave a quick reply to say they are looking at the matter and checking the feasibility of putting up the grills.
It sounds like lip service to me... but I'll be fair and give them the time needed to sort this out. 1 month and if nothing moves, we would have to step up the pressure.
Along my rounds to get people to sign the letter, I encountered some really nice and sweet people and of course those who were already frustrated and was glad to see me at their door with a look of empathy and a listening ear. I don't really mind listening to their complaints, but it was really quite late (11 pm) and they really should have noticed my bulging tummy and not lament for more than 15 mins.
I guess if I should ever consider being a volunteer for PAP, this would be pretty good training for those "Meet the People" sessions.
It sounds like lip service to me... but I'll be fair and give them the time needed to sort this out. 1 month and if nothing moves, we would have to step up the pressure.
Along my rounds to get people to sign the letter, I encountered some really nice and sweet people and of course those who were already frustrated and was glad to see me at their door with a look of empathy and a listening ear. I don't really mind listening to their complaints, but it was really quite late (11 pm) and they really should have noticed my bulging tummy and not lament for more than 15 mins.
I guess if I should ever consider being a volunteer for PAP, this would be pretty good training for those "Meet the People" sessions.
Sunday 6 July 2008
Updates on recent break-ins
I last posted about my home being broken into. Here's an update.
I met up with some affected residents last Wednesday and we decided that we should call for a meeting with more residents staying at the affected blocks. We met today and decided that we should petition to the Developer.
It is probably no surprise that Singaporeans are an apathetic lot. While most are supportive and coorperative, no one wants to the take the lead. I guess everyone is just so busy and just waiting for someone else to do the job. Anyway, I somehow became the village head/indian chief of sorts. It is not something I desire since I'm already pressed for time for my work and feeling all the discomfort from the pregnancy. But seems like no one is stepping up to the plate and this is something I feel quite strongly. Maybe I'm just a quarrelsome person. :P
Anyway, it became my role to rally the support, write the letters and liaise with the people concerned.
I hope it won't be a futile attempt and I hope in the end, the Developer would do something without us taking too drastic measures. But I'm pretty prepared... if the situation is not salvage, we may have to escalate this to a media and legal tussle. sigh...
I met up with some affected residents last Wednesday and we decided that we should call for a meeting with more residents staying at the affected blocks. We met today and decided that we should petition to the Developer.
It is probably no surprise that Singaporeans are an apathetic lot. While most are supportive and coorperative, no one wants to the take the lead. I guess everyone is just so busy and just waiting for someone else to do the job. Anyway, I somehow became the village head/indian chief of sorts. It is not something I desire since I'm already pressed for time for my work and feeling all the discomfort from the pregnancy. But seems like no one is stepping up to the plate and this is something I feel quite strongly. Maybe I'm just a quarrelsome person. :P
Anyway, it became my role to rally the support, write the letters and liaise with the people concerned.
I hope it won't be a futile attempt and I hope in the end, the Developer would do something without us taking too drastic measures. But I'm pretty prepared... if the situation is not salvage, we may have to escalate this to a media and legal tussle. sigh...
Tuesday 1 July 2008
Someone has been here!!!
This evening started out quite uneventful until I got home and one of my neighbours from downstairs came by with a shocking news. Apparently, a burglar is on the loose in my condo and he broke into several houses today. He scaled through the kitchen windows via an open ledge at the lift landing. For my block alone, he covered all 16 apartments, mine included. He probably had a great shopping at other blocks too.
I was naturally appalled and the list of valuables that have been looted raced through my mind... My jewelry is left unlock since I am lazy to have to rummage for them, the IBook is left on the sofa, Lucas's 2 fat piggy banks with several pieces of fifty notes and coins is proudly displayed in his room etc etc.
After my conversation with my neighbour, I went mentally prepared to check out my lost goods... Lo and behold! Nothing went missing! Not my diamonds, or the thick wad of CNY $2-$10 dollars. The Ibook is left untouched and Lucas's piggies not slaughtered either. Extremely strange. I couldn't believe my luck and I went to check through the items again. I couldn't find anything missing.
I roped in Vinc to do a check. He has a keener eye for details. He found telltale footprints on the window ledge. 2 sets of different men's prints to be exact. He also discovered some the boxes which contained some unimportant misc items (like clothes hangers) moved, and very carefully replaced to be almost at the exact locations (except it is tilted). So someone has definitely been into our house and looked through our things.
I opened my lingerie drawers and found that they has also looked through my private collection and tried to arrange them back... EEEkkkk... Those perverts! I would have to soak my bras and undies with Dettol!
Vinc speculated that besides breaking in, they were also doing a recce to see which other units are worth a second visit. Hence, they didn't want to alert home owners. My dad (who is an ex-policeman) thinks it is likely an inside job and that if not caught, they will revisit. He suggested to 'trap' them by getting the neighbours to lock all windows and leave only a couple of 'trap windows' open and closely monitored.
What freaks me is that I could have been home alone with Lucas when something like that happen. I am not sure what I would have done in that scenario other than to protect Lucas from harm. I'm gonna see the management office tomorrow to get something done about those open ledge. And in the meantime, I'm going to lock my windows and also set booby traps for this trespasser... it is a long way down from where I stay.
I was naturally appalled and the list of valuables that have been looted raced through my mind... My jewelry is left unlock since I am lazy to have to rummage for them, the IBook is left on the sofa, Lucas's 2 fat piggy banks with several pieces of fifty notes and coins is proudly displayed in his room etc etc.
After my conversation with my neighbour, I went mentally prepared to check out my lost goods... Lo and behold! Nothing went missing! Not my diamonds, or the thick wad of CNY $2-$10 dollars. The Ibook is left untouched and Lucas's piggies not slaughtered either. Extremely strange. I couldn't believe my luck and I went to check through the items again. I couldn't find anything missing.
I roped in Vinc to do a check. He has a keener eye for details. He found telltale footprints on the window ledge. 2 sets of different men's prints to be exact. He also discovered some the boxes which contained some unimportant misc items (like clothes hangers) moved, and very carefully replaced to be almost at the exact locations (except it is tilted). So someone has definitely been into our house and looked through our things.
I opened my lingerie drawers and found that they has also looked through my private collection and tried to arrange them back... EEEkkkk... Those perverts! I would have to soak my bras and undies with Dettol!
Vinc speculated that besides breaking in, they were also doing a recce to see which other units are worth a second visit. Hence, they didn't want to alert home owners. My dad (who is an ex-policeman) thinks it is likely an inside job and that if not caught, they will revisit. He suggested to 'trap' them by getting the neighbours to lock all windows and leave only a couple of 'trap windows' open and closely monitored.
What freaks me is that I could have been home alone with Lucas when something like that happen. I am not sure what I would have done in that scenario other than to protect Lucas from harm. I'm gonna see the management office tomorrow to get something done about those open ledge. And in the meantime, I'm going to lock my windows and also set booby traps for this trespasser... it is a long way down from where I stay.
Saturday 28 June 2008
What's in a name?
It's no secret that I have been longing for a baby girl and I thought I had all things planned, including the stocking up of baby girl clothes since 3 years ago. And I even had names picked... But as THE DAY draws closer, we are no where near deciding on a name. Picking a name is such a difficult business. You have to pre-empt the nicknames that might be pinned to it. Then you worry about age-old relatives who are not be able to pronounce the name. Then you worry if the name will be too common... For example, I thought Lucas was a unique name but it turns out many other great minds think like mine.
When I was naming Lucas, I also had a hard time. But I was lucky then as I had a bunch of close-clique colleagues who helped me to pick the name. In fact, Lucas was named by my ex-colleagues and not by Vinc or family members. His chinese name was translated by Auntie S and mix-matched by Uncle G. My other colleagues had a role in preventing me from naming him some names that no one can pronounce... which on hindsight, I thank their great wisdom. It would have trully been disastrous to have called Lucas, 'Vladimir'. I still like the name but I doubt it would be pronounce the way it should be at, say a poly clinic, or childcare centre.
Anyway, back to naming my girl. It is hard to find a name starting with L for a girl, with nice meanings and not too common and not being too long or complicated. I thought I had chosen quite a nice few (Letitia, Lerrisa, Lucille, Lucia etc) until I put it to a poll with my ex-colleagues (given the success they had with Lucas). All the names didn't gel with someone. The Chinese name was worse since I want it to match the 'grandeur' of Lucas's Chinese name which means 'peak of the Universe'. That's very hard to beat...
Then I thought I'll get Vinc involved and got him to choose a name. He did. It was a nice name but one which no doubt will draw laughter amongst my relatives. When I told my parents, it brought tears to my mother's eyes... from laughing too much... they couldn't contain their laughter before giving us their blessing.
I thought long and hard about it for many weeks. Vinc and I really liked the name... and I think I should stick to the fact that I had asked Vinc to pick a name so I should stand by what he chose. We just had to content ourselves that my girl may not appreciate the trouble we went through to choose her name.
So it is decided and cast in stone. My girl will be Lyra Wong Yu Hum. Lyra refers to one of the brightest constellation of stars. It also means song, harp or lyre. Yu Han (Yu Hum in Cantonese) means possessing the universe... So I have a boy at the peak, and I have girl holding the universe in her hands.
I would have to teach her how to fend off nicknames and not let it get to her in her growing years. But if she has Vinc and my traits, it probably wouldn't bother her much.
When I was naming Lucas, I also had a hard time. But I was lucky then as I had a bunch of close-clique colleagues who helped me to pick the name. In fact, Lucas was named by my ex-colleagues and not by Vinc or family members. His chinese name was translated by Auntie S and mix-matched by Uncle G. My other colleagues had a role in preventing me from naming him some names that no one can pronounce... which on hindsight, I thank their great wisdom. It would have trully been disastrous to have called Lucas, 'Vladimir'. I still like the name but I doubt it would be pronounce the way it should be at, say a poly clinic, or childcare centre.
Anyway, back to naming my girl. It is hard to find a name starting with L for a girl, with nice meanings and not too common and not being too long or complicated. I thought I had chosen quite a nice few (Letitia, Lerrisa, Lucille, Lucia etc) until I put it to a poll with my ex-colleagues (given the success they had with Lucas). All the names didn't gel with someone. The Chinese name was worse since I want it to match the 'grandeur' of Lucas's Chinese name which means 'peak of the Universe'. That's very hard to beat...
Then I thought I'll get Vinc involved and got him to choose a name. He did. It was a nice name but one which no doubt will draw laughter amongst my relatives. When I told my parents, it brought tears to my mother's eyes... from laughing too much... they couldn't contain their laughter before giving us their blessing.
I thought long and hard about it for many weeks. Vinc and I really liked the name... and I think I should stick to the fact that I had asked Vinc to pick a name so I should stand by what he chose. We just had to content ourselves that my girl may not appreciate the trouble we went through to choose her name.
So it is decided and cast in stone. My girl will be Lyra Wong Yu Hum. Lyra refers to one of the brightest constellation of stars. It also means song, harp or lyre. Yu Han (Yu Hum in Cantonese) means possessing the universe... So I have a boy at the peak, and I have girl holding the universe in her hands.
I would have to teach her how to fend off nicknames and not let it get to her in her growing years. But if she has Vinc and my traits, it probably wouldn't bother her much.
Workaholics anonymous
I have been dead busy since my last post and so many things happened that I don't quite know where to start. Apart from my precious baby girl due on 8 Sept, I also have a set of twins due on 14 and 15 August. This pair is my 2 major projects for this year, and frankly, I'm probably giving them alot more attention than I should and at the expense of sleep and rest... Yes, I know I should be resting more esp. given the 'condition' I am in... at the same time, I need to deliver results (and a healthy baby too). For one, I don't believe that work load should be cut or reduced just cos one is pregnant and two, I have no desire to burden my colleagues or share the accolades of a job I know I can do well.
For years, people I work with from different organisations have called me workaholic. I have always resented that because that title just have a very bad ring to it. It means a person who is not only addicted to work, who can't function without work and who will work at all other expense. I do not think I am like that, altho I'm sure people who know me will beg to differ. I like being productive and I take a lot of pride being able to deliver good results. Of course I work for the hope of a better bonus and promotion, but I think even if those are not in sight, I'll still work to my bones to get something done. That's what tax payers (including me) are paying me to do.
But there are priorities that I am very clear about and I do not compromise on those. Unless I absolutely have to, time with Lucas is important to me and that takes priority... so if I have a deadline to rush, I'll complete it AFTER I put Lucas to sleep. I think in terms of priorities... ME usually takes the last position... Which I know is not healthy but something I am quite unwilling to change. In a way, my work defines who I am.
Anyway, I have come to accept the title of being a workaholic... I'm really not too bothered to explain that I don't sacrifice family time... and I doubt anyone would believe me looking at the consistency of post-2 am work emails. That's the time I can actually get work done after I put Lucas to sleep. To some it is ironic that I don't seem to have any Work-Life since I'm promoting Work-Life... but to me, there's no confusion or misnomer- I am able to achieve both by spending less time on myself. And I'm actually happier for it.
From now till 15 August, I have to ensure that the twins are well taken care off so that by 8 Sept, I can set my mind at ease and concentrate on having my long-awaited baby girl and have a well-deserved rest.
For years, people I work with from different organisations have called me workaholic. I have always resented that because that title just have a very bad ring to it. It means a person who is not only addicted to work, who can't function without work and who will work at all other expense. I do not think I am like that, altho I'm sure people who know me will beg to differ. I like being productive and I take a lot of pride being able to deliver good results. Of course I work for the hope of a better bonus and promotion, but I think even if those are not in sight, I'll still work to my bones to get something done. That's what tax payers (including me) are paying me to do.
But there are priorities that I am very clear about and I do not compromise on those. Unless I absolutely have to, time with Lucas is important to me and that takes priority... so if I have a deadline to rush, I'll complete it AFTER I put Lucas to sleep. I think in terms of priorities... ME usually takes the last position... Which I know is not healthy but something I am quite unwilling to change. In a way, my work defines who I am.
Anyway, I have come to accept the title of being a workaholic... I'm really not too bothered to explain that I don't sacrifice family time... and I doubt anyone would believe me looking at the consistency of post-2 am work emails. That's the time I can actually get work done after I put Lucas to sleep. To some it is ironic that I don't seem to have any Work-Life since I'm promoting Work-Life... but to me, there's no confusion or misnomer- I am able to achieve both by spending less time on myself. And I'm actually happier for it.
From now till 15 August, I have to ensure that the twins are well taken care off so that by 8 Sept, I can set my mind at ease and concentrate on having my long-awaited baby girl and have a well-deserved rest.
Thursday 22 May 2008
Long weekend trip to Genting
Over the Vesak Day long weekend, my parents, my uncle, aunt, Lucas and I took the coach up to Genting. Normally, I wouldn't be interested to put myself through the horrendous 5 hour (according to my mom) ride up Malaysia... but Lucas had been saying he wanted to go and I had promised that we will go soon. And since hubby will never relent on going with us, I thought I might make the trip while he is away.
So, the morning started with us waking up real early to 'report' at Lavendar MRT. Apparently, we were supposed to leave by 7.30 am. We were there promptly by 7 am. The coach agent was Transtar. We waited and waited. 8.30 am and still no sign of bus. I was really pissed at the lack of professionalism and accountability. No one explained why there was a delay and when we will leave. And when I asked the person-in-charge, the guy brushed me off saying, "wait a while". That really set me off... and I gave him an early morning lashing on being professional, service oriented, accountable, etc etc. It was quite an invigorating start for the morning. I had always love a confrontation, esp. one in which I know I will win. :) We eventually boarded the bus at 10.00 am. But one bad start and like dominoes, the the rest of it is off on the wrong foot. As a result of the delay, we were caught in the Tuas link jam for a long time and then again in Malaysia, somewhere near KL. We only managed to reach Genting at 6.30 pm. 4 hours later than expected.
Up in Genting, the fresh air (as long as you avoid the hordes of walking chimney) is great. The temp was at a nice 16 degrees with cool breeze. Lucas loved the weather although the dryness did cause his nose to peel. Things are not cheap there, even though it is in Ringit. I guess it is the Sentosa of Malaysia so you should expect 'touristy' prices... Even then, my mom and I were flabbergasted when we were charged RM$18 for ONE packet of Chai Fan comprising 2 skinny prawns and 2 choice of veg. My mom couldn't stop harping on the exhorbitant price for the next couple of days.
Lucas enjoyed himself, even though he fell short of the 122 cm height for most of the rides. He was really looking forward to the roller-coaster and other thrill rides. So bumper cars, ferris wheel and the other sedentary rides didn't quite cut it for him. After 1 day of rides and fun, he was ready to go home. Sigh...
In between, we did some shopping and in one of the children's wear outlet, I told Lucas to pick out some clothes for himself. He returned with 4-5 pieces of tops and dresses which he said is for Mei Mei. He refuses to get anything for himself saying that he has enough clothes. Then he put the tops against my tummy and asked the tummy if 'she' likes the clothes. :) I thought that was such a sweet gesture! He is really looking forward to the baby's arrival, maybe even more than me. Throughout the trip, he constantly 'updated' the baby on the rides he is going to take and other happenings.
On the day of our return, we had the fantastic luck of having with us a super experienced F1 driver. He cruised down the slope probably in free gear and at high speed, and made amazingly thrilling sharp turns. Of course, many of our stomachs turned too. Apart from myself, there are another 4-5 people making a symphony of wretching noises. Besides his F1 display, he could also drive with his eyes close for some parts of the highway. An amazing feat which leaves the other 18 pairs of eyes gripped on the road. In those brief moments, I could almost picture the tablod caption of being the unfortunate pregnant lady with a young child caught in a horrific highway accident. Eventually, we reached home just before midnight, totally beat.
The next day, Lucas said he liked Sentosa much better... ... Aiy..., just as well since I cannot imagine having to endure the 10-15 hours of travelling time again.
So, the morning started with us waking up real early to 'report' at Lavendar MRT. Apparently, we were supposed to leave by 7.30 am. We were there promptly by 7 am. The coach agent was Transtar. We waited and waited. 8.30 am and still no sign of bus. I was really pissed at the lack of professionalism and accountability. No one explained why there was a delay and when we will leave. And when I asked the person-in-charge, the guy brushed me off saying, "wait a while". That really set me off... and I gave him an early morning lashing on being professional, service oriented, accountable, etc etc. It was quite an invigorating start for the morning. I had always love a confrontation, esp. one in which I know I will win. :) We eventually boarded the bus at 10.00 am. But one bad start and like dominoes, the the rest of it is off on the wrong foot. As a result of the delay, we were caught in the Tuas link jam for a long time and then again in Malaysia, somewhere near KL. We only managed to reach Genting at 6.30 pm. 4 hours later than expected.
Up in Genting, the fresh air (as long as you avoid the hordes of walking chimney) is great. The temp was at a nice 16 degrees with cool breeze. Lucas loved the weather although the dryness did cause his nose to peel. Things are not cheap there, even though it is in Ringit. I guess it is the Sentosa of Malaysia so you should expect 'touristy' prices... Even then, my mom and I were flabbergasted when we were charged RM$18 for ONE packet of Chai Fan comprising 2 skinny prawns and 2 choice of veg. My mom couldn't stop harping on the exhorbitant price for the next couple of days.
Lucas enjoyed himself, even though he fell short of the 122 cm height for most of the rides. He was really looking forward to the roller-coaster and other thrill rides. So bumper cars, ferris wheel and the other sedentary rides didn't quite cut it for him. After 1 day of rides and fun, he was ready to go home. Sigh...
In between, we did some shopping and in one of the children's wear outlet, I told Lucas to pick out some clothes for himself. He returned with 4-5 pieces of tops and dresses which he said is for Mei Mei. He refuses to get anything for himself saying that he has enough clothes. Then he put the tops against my tummy and asked the tummy if 'she' likes the clothes. :) I thought that was such a sweet gesture! He is really looking forward to the baby's arrival, maybe even more than me. Throughout the trip, he constantly 'updated' the baby on the rides he is going to take and other happenings.
On the day of our return, we had the fantastic luck of having with us a super experienced F1 driver. He cruised down the slope probably in free gear and at high speed, and made amazingly thrilling sharp turns. Of course, many of our stomachs turned too. Apart from myself, there are another 4-5 people making a symphony of wretching noises. Besides his F1 display, he could also drive with his eyes close for some parts of the highway. An amazing feat which leaves the other 18 pairs of eyes gripped on the road. In those brief moments, I could almost picture the tablod caption of being the unfortunate pregnant lady with a young child caught in a horrific highway accident. Eventually, we reached home just before midnight, totally beat.
The next day, Lucas said he liked Sentosa much better... ... Aiy..., just as well since I cannot imagine having to endure the 10-15 hours of travelling time again.
Wednesday 21 May 2008
Updates on Natural Consequences Experiment
This is going to be short post since my eyes are barely open and I would need to wake real early for a meeting tomorrow.
I have been testing out that Natural Consequences theory I mentioned in my previous post... and after about 2-3 weeks of testing, the verdict is not very conclusive. Yes, quite a bummer, esp. since I had thought I stumbled on the miracle cure.
The result is about 50% compliance. At times, the 'natural consequence' doesn't quite cut it for Lucas... for example, the other day, I told him if he is going to eat slowly, the ice-cream man would be closed for the day and he won't be able to eat his fav ice-cream. His reply, "I also don't want to eat ice-cream... it will make me cough." I tried a different lure and told him he would also have less time to play at the playground. He replied (rather a tad too smugly), "never mind, it is very hot. I just want to go home."
!!!???!!!
More updates on my weekend trip to Genting soon. First, I'm heading to snoozyland.
I have been testing out that Natural Consequences theory I mentioned in my previous post... and after about 2-3 weeks of testing, the verdict is not very conclusive. Yes, quite a bummer, esp. since I had thought I stumbled on the miracle cure.
The result is about 50% compliance. At times, the 'natural consequence' doesn't quite cut it for Lucas... for example, the other day, I told him if he is going to eat slowly, the ice-cream man would be closed for the day and he won't be able to eat his fav ice-cream. His reply, "I also don't want to eat ice-cream... it will make me cough." I tried a different lure and told him he would also have less time to play at the playground. He replied (rather a tad too smugly), "never mind, it is very hot. I just want to go home."
!!!???!!!
More updates on my weekend trip to Genting soon. First, I'm heading to snoozyland.
Tuesday 13 May 2008
Jokes from my Pr. 2 nephew
I have 2 nephews. I just realised over the weekend that they were 8 (Pr. 2) and 10 (Pr. 4). I wondered where did the years go... I had all the while thought they were in Pr. 1 and 2! Anyway, my nephews are really nice kids. Being boys, they are naturally boisterous and rowdy. On a weekend, they plus my boy can really burst the decibel limit your ears can take.
But I love my nephews. They are really funny and I like the jokes they occasionally tell me... I must admit at times, these jokes are pretty lame but I enjoy them anyway. They remind me of some of the dumb jokes that I crack which no one else seems to appreciate, especially at my current workplace. In my ex-department, my ex-colleagues will at least obliged with some incredulous smile as I laughed myself silly.
Here's the joke which my nephew told me which had me grinning every time I recalled it.
Part 1
Cha Siew Bao and Man Tou went to a movie together. Cha Siew Bao emerged from the movie crying... WHY?
>>>
>>>
>>>
(you shouldn't bother thinking with rhetorical quetions)
>>> BECAUSE Cha Siew Bao had fillings (feelings)... ... ... DUH!!!
Part 2
The next day, Cha Siew Bao and Dou Sha Bao went to the movies. Cha Siew Bao emerged crying and Dou Sha Bao came out laughing... WHY?
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> BECAUSE they had different fillings (feelings)... ... ... muaaa ha ha ha!!!
But I love my nephews. They are really funny and I like the jokes they occasionally tell me... I must admit at times, these jokes are pretty lame but I enjoy them anyway. They remind me of some of the dumb jokes that I crack which no one else seems to appreciate, especially at my current workplace. In my ex-department, my ex-colleagues will at least obliged with some incredulous smile as I laughed myself silly.
Here's the joke which my nephew told me which had me grinning every time I recalled it.
Part 1
Cha Siew Bao and Man Tou went to a movie together. Cha Siew Bao emerged from the movie crying... WHY?
>>>
>>>
>>>
(you shouldn't bother thinking with rhetorical quetions)
>>> BECAUSE Cha Siew Bao had fillings (feelings)... ... ... DUH!!!
Part 2
The next day, Cha Siew Bao and Dou Sha Bao went to the movies. Cha Siew Bao emerged crying and Dou Sha Bao came out laughing... WHY?
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> BECAUSE they had different fillings (feelings)... ... ... muaaa ha ha ha!!!
Mothers Day and SAHM
There was an article on Sunday about the worth of SAHM (Stay At Home Moms)in pure monetary sense. According to the article, a SAHM is worth about $23,000 per month if you pay her according to the roles she performs like driver, cleaner, teacher etc. That's an obscene amount of money! But I bet some of my SAHM pals will completely disregard the article as hogwash. Basically, because you simply cannot put a moneary value to the 'work' (which is a grossly inaccurate term) they do. And putting a monetary value works contrary to 'promoting' SAHM since it only spells out the obvious functions and ignores the intangible roles they play.
I have the utmost respect for SAHM. I will never be able to survive as one. It is hard work when you need to be constantly giving 24/7 attention to your loved ones. At work, you have your personal time, your lunch hours and your chit-chats. When you are a SAHM, you have a lot less of those. If your child is not in school, then it is even harder cos there will be that expectation, not just from your kid/s, and family but also yourself that you have to dedicate every single waking hour to the homefront. I'm not sure if I'm capable of such devotion. I think there is no shame to admit that I'm a good working-mom but I'll suck big-time being a full-time SAHM.
Happy Mothers' Day to all mothers, working or not.
I have the utmost respect for SAHM. I will never be able to survive as one. It is hard work when you need to be constantly giving 24/7 attention to your loved ones. At work, you have your personal time, your lunch hours and your chit-chats. When you are a SAHM, you have a lot less of those. If your child is not in school, then it is even harder cos there will be that expectation, not just from your kid/s, and family but also yourself that you have to dedicate every single waking hour to the homefront. I'm not sure if I'm capable of such devotion. I think there is no shame to admit that I'm a good working-mom but I'll suck big-time being a full-time SAHM.
Happy Mothers' Day to all mothers, working or not.
Saturday 10 May 2008
Over estimating myself... again...
When my hubby informed me that he would be going for reservist some months back... I thought, what was the big deal. Then he said he would be going to S. Africa and that it would be 3 weeks. And that also didn't unfaze me. I didn't give it much thought since I have always been independent and I do a great job with Lucas. And hey, he was away for longer stint; 2 years in Oz, 1 year in US and in between travels. I managed pretty well on my own back then.
Well, he is gone but for 2 hours and already I'm starting to lose sleep and miss him. Maybe it is becos hubby decided to share that the place he was going is laced with land mines, or the slow knowledge that is starting to sink that 3 weeks is not short... esp. when I can't even recall when it was that he last went overseas.
Once again, I have over-rated my sense of self-independence. This is probably no surprise to some good pals of mine. They had always amused themselves laughing at how I used to think naively that I could manage a bawling baby, while doing some other work. Or that child discipline is a matter of just instilling the right amount of fear. Over time, I have learnt that one of my biggest flaw is I over estimated myself... me and my inflated ego.
Anyway, so here I am, not being able to sleep and already counting the days to my hubby's return. This is going to be a very long and tedious wait.
Well, he is gone but for 2 hours and already I'm starting to lose sleep and miss him. Maybe it is becos hubby decided to share that the place he was going is laced with land mines, or the slow knowledge that is starting to sink that 3 weeks is not short... esp. when I can't even recall when it was that he last went overseas.
Once again, I have over-rated my sense of self-independence. This is probably no surprise to some good pals of mine. They had always amused themselves laughing at how I used to think naively that I could manage a bawling baby, while doing some other work. Or that child discipline is a matter of just instilling the right amount of fear. Over time, I have learnt that one of my biggest flaw is I over estimated myself... me and my inflated ego.
Anyway, so here I am, not being able to sleep and already counting the days to my hubby's return. This is going to be a very long and tedious wait.
Friday 9 May 2008
Been on a train lately?
I have been real busy lately... and so I thought I should take a break by posting a commentary on behaviours in the train.
The train's my main transport daily to and from work and every morning, I wonder if it's the day I'm gonna get lucky and someone will offer Lucas and I a seat. But I have come to realise and accept that graciousness is pretty dead and chivalry is definitely extinct. On a count of 10 rides weekly(2 rides per working day), I'm offered a seat maybe twice a week. 20% is not too bad I supposed. On some weeks, I stand throughout. Never mind that I'm big-bellied, lugging a big backpac and a squirming 3-year-old, who laments incessantly through the ride that he is tired. No one takes notice of him, or me. They are either too busy reading the papers, playing PSP, pretending to sleep or *gasp* studying the bible. To these pious few, I had to bite my tongue and refrain from saying something ungodly.
One of my colleagues commented that no-one owes me a seat and they are not obliged to give me one. Absolutely true. I do not expect nor do I demand for one. But it would be a nice start to a day to know that there's still some graciousness left (even if it's with stickers on the train walls reminding us). I remembered people giving up their seats willingly and with a smile in the past. What happened from then to now that made people not only less friendly, but less kind too? It's a multi-billion dollar campaign question I supposed,... wonder which Ministry looks into this now... hmmm...
And that's not all the ugly behaviour I see. Just 2 evenings ago, Lucas and I were standing in front of this well-heeled executive (he was wearing a nice watch, crisp shirt and a carrying a really branded bag) and he was busy picking his nose! Not only that, he was happily flicking, yup, flicking his precious digs into space! I promptly pulled clueless Lucas aside, lest we get some unwanted 'blessings'. After he was done with ravaging the right pit, he proceeded to the left... totally disregarding the people about! Incredible! No wonder there was this huge gap in front of him. This lady standing nearby, muttered to me, "Disgusting!" and gave a shudder. Disgusting is an understatement. I can think of nauseating, abominable, vile, sickening, revolting, , abhorrent, which would give more credit to his act.
Then there was this lady who gave me a lashing on how I should 'handle' Lucas. Lucas was in one of his tantrums and I refused to give in to his demands just becos he thought whining and crying in public would get him his way. This particular lady was upset that I had, and I quote, "intruded on (her) audio space" while she was trying to read. She also shared, in a less than poilte way, that her 2 daughters are impeccably well-behaved in public, unlike my unruly little brat. Of course, I acknowledged my imperfection, thanked her for her wisdom and congratulated her on being a wonderful mother... No seriously, I did.
I only hope I'm bringing Lucas up well enough that he retains the sense of chivalry that he now has and that he would continue to give up his seat to pregnant ladies, old people and people with babies in arms. Right now, he is charming my young, pretty colleagues by offering to take their bags for them.
The train's my main transport daily to and from work and every morning, I wonder if it's the day I'm gonna get lucky and someone will offer Lucas and I a seat. But I have come to realise and accept that graciousness is pretty dead and chivalry is definitely extinct. On a count of 10 rides weekly(2 rides per working day), I'm offered a seat maybe twice a week. 20% is not too bad I supposed. On some weeks, I stand throughout. Never mind that I'm big-bellied, lugging a big backpac and a squirming 3-year-old, who laments incessantly through the ride that he is tired. No one takes notice of him, or me. They are either too busy reading the papers, playing PSP, pretending to sleep or *gasp* studying the bible. To these pious few, I had to bite my tongue and refrain from saying something ungodly.
One of my colleagues commented that no-one owes me a seat and they are not obliged to give me one. Absolutely true. I do not expect nor do I demand for one. But it would be a nice start to a day to know that there's still some graciousness left (even if it's with stickers on the train walls reminding us). I remembered people giving up their seats willingly and with a smile in the past. What happened from then to now that made people not only less friendly, but less kind too? It's a multi-billion dollar campaign question I supposed,... wonder which Ministry looks into this now... hmmm...
And that's not all the ugly behaviour I see. Just 2 evenings ago, Lucas and I were standing in front of this well-heeled executive (he was wearing a nice watch, crisp shirt and a carrying a really branded bag) and he was busy picking his nose! Not only that, he was happily flicking, yup, flicking his precious digs into space! I promptly pulled clueless Lucas aside, lest we get some unwanted 'blessings'. After he was done with ravaging the right pit, he proceeded to the left... totally disregarding the people about! Incredible! No wonder there was this huge gap in front of him. This lady standing nearby, muttered to me, "Disgusting!" and gave a shudder. Disgusting is an understatement. I can think of nauseating, abominable, vile, sickening, revolting, , abhorrent, which would give more credit to his act.
Then there was this lady who gave me a lashing on how I should 'handle' Lucas. Lucas was in one of his tantrums and I refused to give in to his demands just becos he thought whining and crying in public would get him his way. This particular lady was upset that I had, and I quote, "intruded on (her) audio space" while she was trying to read. She also shared, in a less than poilte way, that her 2 daughters are impeccably well-behaved in public, unlike my unruly little brat. Of course, I acknowledged my imperfection, thanked her for her wisdom and congratulated her on being a wonderful mother... No seriously, I did.
I only hope I'm bringing Lucas up well enough that he retains the sense of chivalry that he now has and that he would continue to give up his seat to pregnant ladies, old people and people with babies in arms. Right now, he is charming my young, pretty colleagues by offering to take their bags for them.
Saturday 3 May 2008
My little black book
Rammaging through my cupboards just now turned up a little treasure I thought long lost. It was my little black book of poems I wrote since 1996. There aren't many poems in there and all quite amature. But it meant a lot to me because I wrote these poems based on my experiences so no matter how amaturish they were, they formed a part of my life. I browsed through and picked up a couple that I really liked to post here.
My Boyfriend
~ dedicated to Vincent, 27 06 1997
He is a unique creation
Sent to me for some reason or another
Heavenly angels must have thought me lonesome
And so they blessed me with a guy named Vincent
Eversince he so suddenly appeared
I am jittery, feverish and delirious
He brings smiles upon my face
He brightens up my nights and days
His eyes are small
Inconspicuous when he grins
But he has the biggest heart
That's what really matters to me
He is my knight on a muddy scrambler
My hero, my babe, my dream-builder
Sadly, he is serving NS
But he has nites-off, so who cares
He has the weirdest logic
A streak of lunacy and eccentricity
For all his idiosyncrasy
I still love him crazily
Never request for a hug or kiss
Under the roving eyes of the public
Shyness is his nature
So my hormones have to show some composure
He finally said "luv ya" one fine day
in the phonemail on the 30th of May
Alas, for that to happen again
I'll have to wait for another decade
He may not have glittery diamonds
nor clear-crisps of dollars
But he has the sweetest smile and the warmest touch
He is sincere and that holds my heart
Often I get neurotic
and fear I'll lose him
He is ever so patient
Enduring my free-flow of idiotic questions
Yes, I'm definitely in love with him
as definite as the Do-Do is extinct
He is the best thing that ever happened
he is my one and only Vinc.
~~~
Ball with Teeth and Nose
~ 29 09 1998
Fybo, my dog
has a talent.
He is a hound you see
He likes to nose for things hidden.
Fybo, my dog
plays Frisbee with me in the garden.
Ever so often we would take a break.
He would pass time having the garden raked.
Treasures will pop out of the ground.
A rubber ducky or my long lost GI Joe.
Sometimes it's my dad's slippers,
Sometimes nothing at all.
Funny things were found again today,
A round ball with teeth and nose.
It had what looked like eyes,
'cept the squishy stuff inside.
I wanted to show daddy my find
but he had gone to work.
So I took it to my neighbour
who might reward me for my labour.
She opened the door and I lifted
My loot for her to see.
She turned stark white
and then screamed in fright.
The next thing I know the police came.
My dad in handcuffs led away.
I had many queries in my mind
With only Fybo by my side.
A kind officer then explained to me,
In a husky, solemn tone.
He, "Son, you've solved a mystery...
The ball with teeth and nose, was none other than
your grandpa Jones."
~~~
I really really loved this poem. Hiak Hiak Hiak.
My Boyfriend
~ dedicated to Vincent, 27 06 1997
He is a unique creation
Sent to me for some reason or another
Heavenly angels must have thought me lonesome
And so they blessed me with a guy named Vincent
Eversince he so suddenly appeared
I am jittery, feverish and delirious
He brings smiles upon my face
He brightens up my nights and days
His eyes are small
Inconspicuous when he grins
But he has the biggest heart
That's what really matters to me
He is my knight on a muddy scrambler
My hero, my babe, my dream-builder
Sadly, he is serving NS
But he has nites-off, so who cares
He has the weirdest logic
A streak of lunacy and eccentricity
For all his idiosyncrasy
I still love him crazily
Never request for a hug or kiss
Under the roving eyes of the public
Shyness is his nature
So my hormones have to show some composure
He finally said "luv ya" one fine day
in the phonemail on the 30th of May
Alas, for that to happen again
I'll have to wait for another decade
He may not have glittery diamonds
nor clear-crisps of dollars
But he has the sweetest smile and the warmest touch
He is sincere and that holds my heart
Often I get neurotic
and fear I'll lose him
He is ever so patient
Enduring my free-flow of idiotic questions
Yes, I'm definitely in love with him
as definite as the Do-Do is extinct
He is the best thing that ever happened
he is my one and only Vinc.
~~~
Ball with Teeth and Nose
~ 29 09 1998
Fybo, my dog
has a talent.
He is a hound you see
He likes to nose for things hidden.
Fybo, my dog
plays Frisbee with me in the garden.
Ever so often we would take a break.
He would pass time having the garden raked.
Treasures will pop out of the ground.
A rubber ducky or my long lost GI Joe.
Sometimes it's my dad's slippers,
Sometimes nothing at all.
Funny things were found again today,
A round ball with teeth and nose.
It had what looked like eyes,
'cept the squishy stuff inside.
I wanted to show daddy my find
but he had gone to work.
So I took it to my neighbour
who might reward me for my labour.
She opened the door and I lifted
My loot for her to see.
She turned stark white
and then screamed in fright.
The next thing I know the police came.
My dad in handcuffs led away.
I had many queries in my mind
With only Fybo by my side.
A kind officer then explained to me,
In a husky, solemn tone.
He, "Son, you've solved a mystery...
The ball with teeth and nose, was none other than
your grandpa Jones."
~~~
I really really loved this poem. Hiak Hiak Hiak.
Prejudiced judgement
Today I was introduced to a blog of one of my colleagues. I spent a good 3 hours (into the wee morning) browsing almost every post he had put up. It was a rather strange experience and at the same time, the more I read about him and his interests, the more I thought I understood myself.
No, he was very different from me. He was not even one of the closer colleagues I normally have lunch with. And from what little I had known of him, I had formed certain opinions. So the obsession into reading his blog partly stem from, well, the obsession to know if I'm right all along and partly from a nagging thought I may jolly well be wrong in my assumptions all these while.
I have always pride myself being a good judge of character. I can instinctively detect a lie, sniff out hypocrisy like a hound and defnitely, I can sight invisible daggers. Similarly, I know who my friends are, feel genuine care and concern from people and appreciate little kindness extended to me.
After reading the ton of posts spanning almost 2 years, I came to a realisation that I am quick to judge and my judgement is marred by my own insecurities as well as some imaginations. This is perhaps what I would call biasness and even prejudiced judgement. Perhaps I had been wrong about my judgement of this person after all. And I thought this is a truly humbling experience and I resolved not be so quick to judge.
Then the cynic in me comes up, perhaps the blogs were written in that particular way because they were meant to impress and meant for public reading.
Whatever the case, I doubt giving people more benefit of doubt is going to hurt me much and that's what I shall do.
No, he was very different from me. He was not even one of the closer colleagues I normally have lunch with. And from what little I had known of him, I had formed certain opinions. So the obsession into reading his blog partly stem from, well, the obsession to know if I'm right all along and partly from a nagging thought I may jolly well be wrong in my assumptions all these while.
I have always pride myself being a good judge of character. I can instinctively detect a lie, sniff out hypocrisy like a hound and defnitely, I can sight invisible daggers. Similarly, I know who my friends are, feel genuine care and concern from people and appreciate little kindness extended to me.
After reading the ton of posts spanning almost 2 years, I came to a realisation that I am quick to judge and my judgement is marred by my own insecurities as well as some imaginations. This is perhaps what I would call biasness and even prejudiced judgement. Perhaps I had been wrong about my judgement of this person after all. And I thought this is a truly humbling experience and I resolved not be so quick to judge.
Then the cynic in me comes up, perhaps the blogs were written in that particular way because they were meant to impress and meant for public reading.
Whatever the case, I doubt giving people more benefit of doubt is going to hurt me much and that's what I shall do.
Friday 2 May 2008
Natural consequences
Recently, Lucas has been acting up at meal times. He has always been a fussy eater but nowadays, he is testing the limit to see if I can go beyond the 1.5 hours treshold.
Anyway, this post is not a complaint. Rather, a revelation I got in differentiating natural consequence and punishment to young children. Yes, it is probably common sense and no rocket science... but I didn't realise how easy it was to go down the slippery slope of posing many outcomes as punishments when they should be natural consequences.
Example, last Friday, Lucas once again took 1 hr 45 mins to eat his dinner. We told him explicitly that if he finishes his dinner slowly, he will not get to play with the toys at the toys section of X department store. No rationale was given (BAD MOVE 1). He took his time. He finally chewed off his last mouth of food at 8.45 pm which was about the time we needed to set off for home. So we told him, matter-of-factly, that he can't play toys cos he finished his meal so slowly and that we had already told him to eat dinner 'properly' but he didn't listen. (BAD MOVE 2). This must have sounded a lot like a punishment for non-compliance. Of course, he protested with tears and shouts. But we went home anyway.
That night, I set about thinking how it could have been different. On hindsight, I should have 1st explained the rationale for eating 'properly' i.e. it will leave you time to do what you want. And when he didn't perform that task, I should have made it clear that he was not going to play toys becos it was a natural consequence of him dilly-dallying, and NOT becos we were out to punish him for not complying.
But it is really a lot easier said than done, esp. when you already feel a blood clot forming in your veins out of sheer frustration. But if children see how their actions affect the consequences and how they can control that, then perhaps they will comply more. Anyway, it is a theory and I'll test it out to see if there are any improvements. And that's one of the things I love about being a parent,.. it is like playing CSI, finding an answer, 1 clue and 1 assumption at a time.
Anyway, this post is not a complaint. Rather, a revelation I got in differentiating natural consequence and punishment to young children. Yes, it is probably common sense and no rocket science... but I didn't realise how easy it was to go down the slippery slope of posing many outcomes as punishments when they should be natural consequences.
Example, last Friday, Lucas once again took 1 hr 45 mins to eat his dinner. We told him explicitly that if he finishes his dinner slowly, he will not get to play with the toys at the toys section of X department store. No rationale was given (BAD MOVE 1). He took his time. He finally chewed off his last mouth of food at 8.45 pm which was about the time we needed to set off for home. So we told him, matter-of-factly, that he can't play toys cos he finished his meal so slowly and that we had already told him to eat dinner 'properly' but he didn't listen. (BAD MOVE 2). This must have sounded a lot like a punishment for non-compliance. Of course, he protested with tears and shouts. But we went home anyway.
That night, I set about thinking how it could have been different. On hindsight, I should have 1st explained the rationale for eating 'properly' i.e. it will leave you time to do what you want. And when he didn't perform that task, I should have made it clear that he was not going to play toys becos it was a natural consequence of him dilly-dallying, and NOT becos we were out to punish him for not complying.
But it is really a lot easier said than done, esp. when you already feel a blood clot forming in your veins out of sheer frustration. But if children see how their actions affect the consequences and how they can control that, then perhaps they will comply more. Anyway, it is a theory and I'll test it out to see if there are any improvements. And that's one of the things I love about being a parent,.. it is like playing CSI, finding an answer, 1 clue and 1 assumption at a time.
Thursday 24 April 2008
Bearing the pain with gritted teeth
Lucas woke up one morning limping. We couldn't quite figure out what happened so I brought him to the hospital to have a couple of checks done. His X-Ray came out ok so the doc suspects it was some kind of infection, leading to bone/joint inflammation. Lucas had to get a blood test done to find out if the doc's premise is right.
Now, Lucas is a brave boy and he normally doesn't complain of pain much. Even then, I figured blood taking would probably be a different ball game. I never quite believe that you should leave it to the docs to prep a child or that you should assume that a child ought to cry about an injection or anything involving needles. Well, to begin with, I was never quite afraid of needles, altho. my husband is terrified of them.
Anyway, I figured I should start 'training' Lucas to not be afraid of needles. After all, we would be poked several times throughout our life and I would want Lucas to donate blood when he is older too. So I told the doc to give me some time to prep him and I insisted that the doc must ask his permission before doing so (hey, the blood belongs to him so permission should be asked right?). I reminded Lucas of how he witnessed mommy having her blood taken and how I wasn't squeamish about it. Point to note here is that you MUST NEVER show fear if you want your children to be brave at something. I also plainly told him the needle will hurt, something of a bite but it will be bearable. I didn't lie that it will not hurt. Lying will just diminish your credibility and next time, he discredit your claims. And I told him mommy will hold him and if the pain gets too much, he can shout and cry but he CANNOT move his hand (which the blood is being drawn) cos it will hurt even more.
The doc asked for his permission and proceeded after given the ok. The doc had to poke him twice and twist the needle into the vein cos his vein is just too small.
The verdict: Lucas didn't cry. He didn't shout. He only kept looking at the needle and grumbled, " Oww... very pain... ow, ow, ow... very very ppppaaaaaiiinnnn.. Ow, Ow". And while the needle was in, he watched the blood being collected.
After the whole process, he looked at me and said he was a brave boy and that he wasn't afraid of needle. I was really proud of him, and myself. Because I managed to modify his perception of pain.
That night, he went home and jibed at his daddy about his fear of needles.
Now, Lucas is a brave boy and he normally doesn't complain of pain much. Even then, I figured blood taking would probably be a different ball game. I never quite believe that you should leave it to the docs to prep a child or that you should assume that a child ought to cry about an injection or anything involving needles. Well, to begin with, I was never quite afraid of needles, altho. my husband is terrified of them.
Anyway, I figured I should start 'training' Lucas to not be afraid of needles. After all, we would be poked several times throughout our life and I would want Lucas to donate blood when he is older too. So I told the doc to give me some time to prep him and I insisted that the doc must ask his permission before doing so (hey, the blood belongs to him so permission should be asked right?). I reminded Lucas of how he witnessed mommy having her blood taken and how I wasn't squeamish about it. Point to note here is that you MUST NEVER show fear if you want your children to be brave at something. I also plainly told him the needle will hurt, something of a bite but it will be bearable. I didn't lie that it will not hurt. Lying will just diminish your credibility and next time, he discredit your claims. And I told him mommy will hold him and if the pain gets too much, he can shout and cry but he CANNOT move his hand (which the blood is being drawn) cos it will hurt even more.
The doc asked for his permission and proceeded after given the ok. The doc had to poke him twice and twist the needle into the vein cos his vein is just too small.
The verdict: Lucas didn't cry. He didn't shout. He only kept looking at the needle and grumbled, " Oww... very pain... ow, ow, ow... very very ppppaaaaaiiinnnn.. Ow, Ow". And while the needle was in, he watched the blood being collected.
After the whole process, he looked at me and said he was a brave boy and that he wasn't afraid of needle. I was really proud of him, and myself. Because I managed to modify his perception of pain.
That night, he went home and jibed at his daddy about his fear of needles.
Wednesday 16 April 2008
Striving towards perfection
Recently, I was introduced to a blog belonging to friend of my hubby's. She is a working mother of a 3 year old girl and her blog revolves around her parenting experience. She is a heck of a dedicated mother, at least by my definition, and she has very high expectations of herself as a mom.
In her blog about her daughter's birthday, I was moved the amount of effort and thought that went into the planning. At the same time, it set me thinking... The blog ended with how she felt being "lesser of a parent" because the cake she had badly wanted didn't turn out the way she expected. While I can see why she is disappointed, I thought we should all be kinder and less demanding of ourselves. Yes, we all set out to be great parents... but really, will a less-than-perfect birthday party make us less of a parent? I don't think so.
I'm glad I could laugh at myself for stumbling (literally) with Lucas's birthday. I fell flat with the cake and as a result, the cake was a pretty (not literally) mess. And I was glad I could laugh about how silly and clumsy mommy was. Because through that Lucas learnt that life really shouldn't be taken too seriously sometimes. He didn't make a fuss of the ex-cake, and was just as happy and beaming when he blew out the candles.
Point is, parenting is a tough job and life is not always nice and sweet. We can afford to be kinder to ourselves and in the process teach our kids, that things don't always work out to plans. That, in adversity and 'shitty situations', one must look ahead and plod on... and perhaps laugh along the way. It is a vital skill. When a child is taught that failure is part of life and it doesn't mean failure as a person, they would be more apt at taking risks, accepting failures and trying again.
If I had a chance to turn back the clock, would I choose the perfect birthday or an opportunity to teach Lucas about life? I would choose the latter.
In her blog about her daughter's birthday, I was moved the amount of effort and thought that went into the planning. At the same time, it set me thinking... The blog ended with how she felt being "lesser of a parent" because the cake she had badly wanted didn't turn out the way she expected. While I can see why she is disappointed, I thought we should all be kinder and less demanding of ourselves. Yes, we all set out to be great parents... but really, will a less-than-perfect birthday party make us less of a parent? I don't think so.
I'm glad I could laugh at myself for stumbling (literally) with Lucas's birthday. I fell flat with the cake and as a result, the cake was a pretty (not literally) mess. And I was glad I could laugh about how silly and clumsy mommy was. Because through that Lucas learnt that life really shouldn't be taken too seriously sometimes. He didn't make a fuss of the ex-cake, and was just as happy and beaming when he blew out the candles.
Point is, parenting is a tough job and life is not always nice and sweet. We can afford to be kinder to ourselves and in the process teach our kids, that things don't always work out to plans. That, in adversity and 'shitty situations', one must look ahead and plod on... and perhaps laugh along the way. It is a vital skill. When a child is taught that failure is part of life and it doesn't mean failure as a person, they would be more apt at taking risks, accepting failures and trying again.
If I had a chance to turn back the clock, would I choose the perfect birthday or an opportunity to teach Lucas about life? I would choose the latter.
Friday 14 March 2008
How I know you love me? Perception from a 3 year old
A couple of nights ago, hubby, son and I were having dinner at Chinatown. I ordered this crispy roasted pork rice for my boy and I said quite matter-of-factly that I ordered that because I know he likes it. Then I asked him if he knows why I know what he likes to eat.
He took a look at me and replied, "mommy knows because mommy loves me." I was pretty surprised. I thought he would say something like, I don't know,... "cos I always finish it or cos it is tasty"? But to interpret a simple action and connote it to an act of love... now that's something else.
He also added, "I also know mommy loves eggs... because I also love mommy"... aahhh, that's heart warming. But as much as I hope he remembers this moment right into adulthood, chances are, he wouldn't, not even the knowledge that I like eggs.
What got me thinking was how we tend to take all these small little acts of love for granted. And it took my 3 year old to remind me that people around us may not say it or do dramatic acts of love,... but everyday, they are performing little acts that tell us they love us... Like my dad buying strawberries for his grandkids, or my mom helping me when I just came back from US, or my hubby reminding me to take my Vit C... We just have to keep a look out for them.
He took a look at me and replied, "mommy knows because mommy loves me." I was pretty surprised. I thought he would say something like, I don't know,... "cos I always finish it or cos it is tasty"? But to interpret a simple action and connote it to an act of love... now that's something else.
He also added, "I also know mommy loves eggs... because I also love mommy"... aahhh, that's heart warming. But as much as I hope he remembers this moment right into adulthood, chances are, he wouldn't, not even the knowledge that I like eggs.
What got me thinking was how we tend to take all these small little acts of love for granted. And it took my 3 year old to remind me that people around us may not say it or do dramatic acts of love,... but everyday, they are performing little acts that tell us they love us... Like my dad buying strawberries for his grandkids, or my mom helping me when I just came back from US, or my hubby reminding me to take my Vit C... We just have to keep a look out for them.
Friday 18 January 2008
Diamonds... 2 schools of thought
Last night, I went to collect the Trilogy Diamond ring that my hubby bought for our 8th anniversary.So today, I promptly displayed it on my finger and showed it to a couple of my colleagues.
You would be surprise at the amount of attention and discussion these few darlings of mine created. To sum up, there are basically 2 schools of thought. One which thinks it's an extravagance, waste of money and they would rather eat seafood and the other camp which thinks it is a nice gesture to make your other half happy... nevermind it cost an arm and leg.
As the 2 camps blasted away against each other with their M16s, one common thread was that whichever school they belong to really depends on whether their spouses appreciate a diamond gift or any expensive gift to start with. Those who thinks is extravagance expressed that their wife would have lambasted them if they were to purchase any thing which cost 4 figures.
This is of course a revelation for some on how their spouses had conditioned their mentality. As one of my colleague shared, he had once bought a surprise jewellery for his wife which resulted in him being nagged at for the next couple of days... In his very own words, "WTF, I buy something to make you happy and you KPKB". He learnt his lesson and gifts became history in their relationship, apart from probably a couple of underwear and mops.
As my mom said (the wise old woman) when I told her I turned down a $15K diamond ring my hubby offered to buy, "Always accept a gift from your hubby GRACIOUSLY. Because he made an effort to make you happy. It's a blow to his ego if you turn it down or complain. It's like you're saying "you dope, you didn't think this through did you?".
I agree with her. Who could complain against these beauties sitting prettily on my finger?
You would be surprise at the amount of attention and discussion these few darlings of mine created. To sum up, there are basically 2 schools of thought. One which thinks it's an extravagance, waste of money and they would rather eat seafood and the other camp which thinks it is a nice gesture to make your other half happy... nevermind it cost an arm and leg.
As the 2 camps blasted away against each other with their M16s, one common thread was that whichever school they belong to really depends on whether their spouses appreciate a diamond gift or any expensive gift to start with. Those who thinks is extravagance expressed that their wife would have lambasted them if they were to purchase any thing which cost 4 figures.
This is of course a revelation for some on how their spouses had conditioned their mentality. As one of my colleague shared, he had once bought a surprise jewellery for his wife which resulted in him being nagged at for the next couple of days... In his very own words, "WTF, I buy something to make you happy and you KPKB". He learnt his lesson and gifts became history in their relationship, apart from probably a couple of underwear and mops.
As my mom said (the wise old woman) when I told her I turned down a $15K diamond ring my hubby offered to buy, "Always accept a gift from your hubby GRACIOUSLY. Because he made an effort to make you happy. It's a blow to his ego if you turn it down or complain. It's like you're saying "you dope, you didn't think this through did you?".
I agree with her. Who could complain against these beauties sitting prettily on my finger?
Wednesday 16 January 2008
Some Poems...
When will you grow up?
~ dedicated to Lucas
Pretty eyes, gummy smile
When will you grow up, my precious child?
Peek-a-boo and building blocks
Teething rings, Hickory-dickory dock
Rubber duckies in the water
Rolling over and pushing walkers
We can have so much fun,
when you turn at least one.
Curious eyes, innocent smile
When will you grow up, my precious child?
Hide and seek and sandy castles
Playing Catch and blowing bubbles
Fly a kite or look at clouds
Net a butterfly or just running about
We can do so much together
when you are three or slightly older.
Bright eyes, mischievous smile
When will you grow up, my precious child?
Scrabbles, Chess and many board games
Have a party with some pretty dames
Rollerblades or cycling wheels
Kick a ball down the hill
We can be such great pals
When you are start turning twelve.
Shining eyes, Triumphant smile
When did you grow up, my precious child?
Exam fevers, friends galore
Lose some battles, win some wars
Shed a tear, mend a heart
Every ending is another start
We were really such partners
You taught me though I’m the teacher.
Blurry eyes, toothless smile
You have all grown old, my precious child.
Have you forgotten me and the fun we had?
I’m the mum and you’re my lad
Hold my hand, through heaven we will soar
Once again, sharing laughter as before.
You Left
~ dedicated to the child I lost on 19 Sept 2007
I knew it was you
I knew your name
I could feel your presence
Long before you came
I wanted to hold you tight
I wanted to keep you safe
Embrace you with love
Nurture you with faith
You did not stay
You did not wait
I did not know you left
Was I just too late?
So many questions unanswered
Appointment you had to keep?
Had you something real urgent?
That you left me here to weep?
Had I known, had I known
If only a farewell bade
I did not know you left
I was just too late.
When flowers sing and angels gather
~ A poem about the Gal's gathering (Gals: Eunice, Karen, Sharol, Pei Shang, Meng Yee and me)
Softly, softly whispers the breeze
Daffodils dance, petals kiss
Leaves quiver in the gentle light
When angels gather close tonight
How many angels? I count six
Each bringing a flavour into the mix
E for Eden giving to all in need
K for Kindness in words and deed
H for Humour laughter to lighten the soul
S for Strength for she is courageous and bold
P for Purity for the youngest is often thus
M for Magnetic drawing us from dawn to dusk
6 angels gather in the mist
Singing giggles in utter bliss
A wonder to the blessed who can see
A friendship that lasts for infinity
~ dedicated to Lucas
Pretty eyes, gummy smile
When will you grow up, my precious child?
Peek-a-boo and building blocks
Teething rings, Hickory-dickory dock
Rubber duckies in the water
Rolling over and pushing walkers
We can have so much fun,
when you turn at least one.
Curious eyes, innocent smile
When will you grow up, my precious child?
Hide and seek and sandy castles
Playing Catch and blowing bubbles
Fly a kite or look at clouds
Net a butterfly or just running about
We can do so much together
when you are three or slightly older.
Bright eyes, mischievous smile
When will you grow up, my precious child?
Scrabbles, Chess and many board games
Have a party with some pretty dames
Rollerblades or cycling wheels
Kick a ball down the hill
We can be such great pals
When you are start turning twelve.
Shining eyes, Triumphant smile
When did you grow up, my precious child?
Exam fevers, friends galore
Lose some battles, win some wars
Shed a tear, mend a heart
Every ending is another start
We were really such partners
You taught me though I’m the teacher.
Blurry eyes, toothless smile
You have all grown old, my precious child.
Have you forgotten me and the fun we had?
I’m the mum and you’re my lad
Hold my hand, through heaven we will soar
Once again, sharing laughter as before.
You Left
~ dedicated to the child I lost on 19 Sept 2007
I knew it was you
I knew your name
I could feel your presence
Long before you came
I wanted to hold you tight
I wanted to keep you safe
Embrace you with love
Nurture you with faith
You did not stay
You did not wait
I did not know you left
Was I just too late?
So many questions unanswered
Appointment you had to keep?
Had you something real urgent?
That you left me here to weep?
Had I known, had I known
If only a farewell bade
I did not know you left
I was just too late.
When flowers sing and angels gather
~ A poem about the Gal's gathering (Gals: Eunice, Karen, Sharol, Pei Shang, Meng Yee and me)
Softly, softly whispers the breeze
Daffodils dance, petals kiss
Leaves quiver in the gentle light
When angels gather close tonight
How many angels? I count six
Each bringing a flavour into the mix
E for Eden giving to all in need
K for Kindness in words and deed
H for Humour laughter to lighten the soul
S for Strength for she is courageous and bold
P for Purity for the youngest is often thus
M for Magnetic drawing us from dawn to dusk
6 angels gather in the mist
Singing giggles in utter bliss
A wonder to the blessed who can see
A friendship that lasts for infinity
Opps... That was long ago...
After my virgin attempt at blogging back in August 2007, I virtually, in every sense of the word, disappeared from the blogging scene. Reason being (1) I completely forgot my blog name, until I tried to create yet another blog today (2) I was just too busy... how typically Singaporean.
Anyway, back to the present. I have got a Facebook friend's request yesterday. And I took 24 hours to decide if I should include this fellow as my friend. No, he is not some long-time old flame which I'm worried about spilling the beans on me. He is a colleague. I hesistated to include him as my friend cos plainly, his friends, which are my other colleagues will clearly be able to start the request and before long, my Facebook will be full of my colleagues... I can already hear some of you saying.. "Wait a minute, isn't that the point?"
No, not for me. Facebook is a personal thing. I keep it for people i don't work with. Why? Becos I play that Fluffball thing during office hour! BUT besides that... I'm really not that close to my colleagues to want to share who my friends are, what's happening in my life, whether my Fluff won or lost a race. Already, I see them and chat with them 8 hours a day... surely that enough to drive some of us mad... So,.. decision is, I'll not have colleagues in my FACE/book.
Now,... just how do I undo that 'acceptance' of the request...
Damn it.
Anyway, back to the present. I have got a Facebook friend's request yesterday. And I took 24 hours to decide if I should include this fellow as my friend. No, he is not some long-time old flame which I'm worried about spilling the beans on me. He is a colleague. I hesistated to include him as my friend cos plainly, his friends, which are my other colleagues will clearly be able to start the request and before long, my Facebook will be full of my colleagues... I can already hear some of you saying.. "Wait a minute, isn't that the point?"
No, not for me. Facebook is a personal thing. I keep it for people i don't work with. Why? Becos I play that Fluffball thing during office hour! BUT besides that... I'm really not that close to my colleagues to want to share who my friends are, what's happening in my life, whether my Fluff won or lost a race. Already, I see them and chat with them 8 hours a day... surely that enough to drive some of us mad... So,.. decision is, I'll not have colleagues in my FACE/book.
Now,... just how do I undo that 'acceptance' of the request...
Damn it.
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