Lucas woke up one morning limping. We couldn't quite figure out what happened so I brought him to the hospital to have a couple of checks done. His X-Ray came out ok so the doc suspects it was some kind of infection, leading to bone/joint inflammation. Lucas had to get a blood test done to find out if the doc's premise is right.
Now, Lucas is a brave boy and he normally doesn't complain of pain much. Even then, I figured blood taking would probably be a different ball game. I never quite believe that you should leave it to the docs to prep a child or that you should assume that a child ought to cry about an injection or anything involving needles. Well, to begin with, I was never quite afraid of needles, altho. my husband is terrified of them.
Anyway, I figured I should start 'training' Lucas to not be afraid of needles. After all, we would be poked several times throughout our life and I would want Lucas to donate blood when he is older too. So I told the doc to give me some time to prep him and I insisted that the doc must ask his permission before doing so (hey, the blood belongs to him so permission should be asked right?). I reminded Lucas of how he witnessed mommy having her blood taken and how I wasn't squeamish about it. Point to note here is that you MUST NEVER show fear if you want your children to be brave at something. I also plainly told him the needle will hurt, something of a bite but it will be bearable. I didn't lie that it will not hurt. Lying will just diminish your credibility and next time, he discredit your claims. And I told him mommy will hold him and if the pain gets too much, he can shout and cry but he CANNOT move his hand (which the blood is being drawn) cos it will hurt even more.
The doc asked for his permission and proceeded after given the ok. The doc had to poke him twice and twist the needle into the vein cos his vein is just too small.
The verdict: Lucas didn't cry. He didn't shout. He only kept looking at the needle and grumbled, " Oww... very pain... ow, ow, ow... very very ppppaaaaaiiinnnn.. Ow, Ow". And while the needle was in, he watched the blood being collected.
After the whole process, he looked at me and said he was a brave boy and that he wasn't afraid of needle. I was really proud of him, and myself. Because I managed to modify his perception of pain.
That night, he went home and jibed at his daddy about his fear of needles.
Thursday 24 April 2008
Wednesday 16 April 2008
Striving towards perfection
Recently, I was introduced to a blog belonging to friend of my hubby's. She is a working mother of a 3 year old girl and her blog revolves around her parenting experience. She is a heck of a dedicated mother, at least by my definition, and she has very high expectations of herself as a mom.
In her blog about her daughter's birthday, I was moved the amount of effort and thought that went into the planning. At the same time, it set me thinking... The blog ended with how she felt being "lesser of a parent" because the cake she had badly wanted didn't turn out the way she expected. While I can see why she is disappointed, I thought we should all be kinder and less demanding of ourselves. Yes, we all set out to be great parents... but really, will a less-than-perfect birthday party make us less of a parent? I don't think so.
I'm glad I could laugh at myself for stumbling (literally) with Lucas's birthday. I fell flat with the cake and as a result, the cake was a pretty (not literally) mess. And I was glad I could laugh about how silly and clumsy mommy was. Because through that Lucas learnt that life really shouldn't be taken too seriously sometimes. He didn't make a fuss of the ex-cake, and was just as happy and beaming when he blew out the candles.
Point is, parenting is a tough job and life is not always nice and sweet. We can afford to be kinder to ourselves and in the process teach our kids, that things don't always work out to plans. That, in adversity and 'shitty situations', one must look ahead and plod on... and perhaps laugh along the way. It is a vital skill. When a child is taught that failure is part of life and it doesn't mean failure as a person, they would be more apt at taking risks, accepting failures and trying again.
If I had a chance to turn back the clock, would I choose the perfect birthday or an opportunity to teach Lucas about life? I would choose the latter.
In her blog about her daughter's birthday, I was moved the amount of effort and thought that went into the planning. At the same time, it set me thinking... The blog ended with how she felt being "lesser of a parent" because the cake she had badly wanted didn't turn out the way she expected. While I can see why she is disappointed, I thought we should all be kinder and less demanding of ourselves. Yes, we all set out to be great parents... but really, will a less-than-perfect birthday party make us less of a parent? I don't think so.
I'm glad I could laugh at myself for stumbling (literally) with Lucas's birthday. I fell flat with the cake and as a result, the cake was a pretty (not literally) mess. And I was glad I could laugh about how silly and clumsy mommy was. Because through that Lucas learnt that life really shouldn't be taken too seriously sometimes. He didn't make a fuss of the ex-cake, and was just as happy and beaming when he blew out the candles.
Point is, parenting is a tough job and life is not always nice and sweet. We can afford to be kinder to ourselves and in the process teach our kids, that things don't always work out to plans. That, in adversity and 'shitty situations', one must look ahead and plod on... and perhaps laugh along the way. It is a vital skill. When a child is taught that failure is part of life and it doesn't mean failure as a person, they would be more apt at taking risks, accepting failures and trying again.
If I had a chance to turn back the clock, would I choose the perfect birthday or an opportunity to teach Lucas about life? I would choose the latter.
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