Over the Vesak Day long weekend, my parents, my uncle, aunt, Lucas and I took the coach up to Genting. Normally, I wouldn't be interested to put myself through the horrendous 5 hour (according to my mom) ride up Malaysia... but Lucas had been saying he wanted to go and I had promised that we will go soon. And since hubby will never relent on going with us, I thought I might make the trip while he is away.
So, the morning started with us waking up real early to 'report' at Lavendar MRT. Apparently, we were supposed to leave by 7.30 am. We were there promptly by 7 am. The coach agent was Transtar. We waited and waited. 8.30 am and still no sign of bus. I was really pissed at the lack of professionalism and accountability. No one explained why there was a delay and when we will leave. And when I asked the person-in-charge, the guy brushed me off saying, "wait a while". That really set me off... and I gave him an early morning lashing on being professional, service oriented, accountable, etc etc. It was quite an invigorating start for the morning. I had always love a confrontation, esp. one in which I know I will win. :) We eventually boarded the bus at 10.00 am. But one bad start and like dominoes, the the rest of it is off on the wrong foot. As a result of the delay, we were caught in the Tuas link jam for a long time and then again in Malaysia, somewhere near KL. We only managed to reach Genting at 6.30 pm. 4 hours later than expected.
Up in Genting, the fresh air (as long as you avoid the hordes of walking chimney) is great. The temp was at a nice 16 degrees with cool breeze. Lucas loved the weather although the dryness did cause his nose to peel. Things are not cheap there, even though it is in Ringit. I guess it is the Sentosa of Malaysia so you should expect 'touristy' prices... Even then, my mom and I were flabbergasted when we were charged RM$18 for ONE packet of Chai Fan comprising 2 skinny prawns and 2 choice of veg. My mom couldn't stop harping on the exhorbitant price for the next couple of days.
Lucas enjoyed himself, even though he fell short of the 122 cm height for most of the rides. He was really looking forward to the roller-coaster and other thrill rides. So bumper cars, ferris wheel and the other sedentary rides didn't quite cut it for him. After 1 day of rides and fun, he was ready to go home. Sigh...
In between, we did some shopping and in one of the children's wear outlet, I told Lucas to pick out some clothes for himself. He returned with 4-5 pieces of tops and dresses which he said is for Mei Mei. He refuses to get anything for himself saying that he has enough clothes. Then he put the tops against my tummy and asked the tummy if 'she' likes the clothes. :) I thought that was such a sweet gesture! He is really looking forward to the baby's arrival, maybe even more than me. Throughout the trip, he constantly 'updated' the baby on the rides he is going to take and other happenings.
On the day of our return, we had the fantastic luck of having with us a super experienced F1 driver. He cruised down the slope probably in free gear and at high speed, and made amazingly thrilling sharp turns. Of course, many of our stomachs turned too. Apart from myself, there are another 4-5 people making a symphony of wretching noises. Besides his F1 display, he could also drive with his eyes close for some parts of the highway. An amazing feat which leaves the other 18 pairs of eyes gripped on the road. In those brief moments, I could almost picture the tablod caption of being the unfortunate pregnant lady with a young child caught in a horrific highway accident. Eventually, we reached home just before midnight, totally beat.
The next day, Lucas said he liked Sentosa much better... ... Aiy..., just as well since I cannot imagine having to endure the 10-15 hours of travelling time again.
Thursday 22 May 2008
Wednesday 21 May 2008
Updates on Natural Consequences Experiment
This is going to be short post since my eyes are barely open and I would need to wake real early for a meeting tomorrow.
I have been testing out that Natural Consequences theory I mentioned in my previous post... and after about 2-3 weeks of testing, the verdict is not very conclusive. Yes, quite a bummer, esp. since I had thought I stumbled on the miracle cure.
The result is about 50% compliance. At times, the 'natural consequence' doesn't quite cut it for Lucas... for example, the other day, I told him if he is going to eat slowly, the ice-cream man would be closed for the day and he won't be able to eat his fav ice-cream. His reply, "I also don't want to eat ice-cream... it will make me cough." I tried a different lure and told him he would also have less time to play at the playground. He replied (rather a tad too smugly), "never mind, it is very hot. I just want to go home."
!!!???!!!
More updates on my weekend trip to Genting soon. First, I'm heading to snoozyland.
I have been testing out that Natural Consequences theory I mentioned in my previous post... and after about 2-3 weeks of testing, the verdict is not very conclusive. Yes, quite a bummer, esp. since I had thought I stumbled on the miracle cure.
The result is about 50% compliance. At times, the 'natural consequence' doesn't quite cut it for Lucas... for example, the other day, I told him if he is going to eat slowly, the ice-cream man would be closed for the day and he won't be able to eat his fav ice-cream. His reply, "I also don't want to eat ice-cream... it will make me cough." I tried a different lure and told him he would also have less time to play at the playground. He replied (rather a tad too smugly), "never mind, it is very hot. I just want to go home."
!!!???!!!
More updates on my weekend trip to Genting soon. First, I'm heading to snoozyland.
Tuesday 13 May 2008
Jokes from my Pr. 2 nephew
I have 2 nephews. I just realised over the weekend that they were 8 (Pr. 2) and 10 (Pr. 4). I wondered where did the years go... I had all the while thought they were in Pr. 1 and 2! Anyway, my nephews are really nice kids. Being boys, they are naturally boisterous and rowdy. On a weekend, they plus my boy can really burst the decibel limit your ears can take.
But I love my nephews. They are really funny and I like the jokes they occasionally tell me... I must admit at times, these jokes are pretty lame but I enjoy them anyway. They remind me of some of the dumb jokes that I crack which no one else seems to appreciate, especially at my current workplace. In my ex-department, my ex-colleagues will at least obliged with some incredulous smile as I laughed myself silly.
Here's the joke which my nephew told me which had me grinning every time I recalled it.
Part 1
Cha Siew Bao and Man Tou went to a movie together. Cha Siew Bao emerged from the movie crying... WHY?
>>>
>>>
>>>
(you shouldn't bother thinking with rhetorical quetions)
>>> BECAUSE Cha Siew Bao had fillings (feelings)... ... ... DUH!!!
Part 2
The next day, Cha Siew Bao and Dou Sha Bao went to the movies. Cha Siew Bao emerged crying and Dou Sha Bao came out laughing... WHY?
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> BECAUSE they had different fillings (feelings)... ... ... muaaa ha ha ha!!!
But I love my nephews. They are really funny and I like the jokes they occasionally tell me... I must admit at times, these jokes are pretty lame but I enjoy them anyway. They remind me of some of the dumb jokes that I crack which no one else seems to appreciate, especially at my current workplace. In my ex-department, my ex-colleagues will at least obliged with some incredulous smile as I laughed myself silly.
Here's the joke which my nephew told me which had me grinning every time I recalled it.
Part 1
Cha Siew Bao and Man Tou went to a movie together. Cha Siew Bao emerged from the movie crying... WHY?
>>>
>>>
>>>
(you shouldn't bother thinking with rhetorical quetions)
>>> BECAUSE Cha Siew Bao had fillings (feelings)... ... ... DUH!!!
Part 2
The next day, Cha Siew Bao and Dou Sha Bao went to the movies. Cha Siew Bao emerged crying and Dou Sha Bao came out laughing... WHY?
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> BECAUSE they had different fillings (feelings)... ... ... muaaa ha ha ha!!!
Mothers Day and SAHM
There was an article on Sunday about the worth of SAHM (Stay At Home Moms)in pure monetary sense. According to the article, a SAHM is worth about $23,000 per month if you pay her according to the roles she performs like driver, cleaner, teacher etc. That's an obscene amount of money! But I bet some of my SAHM pals will completely disregard the article as hogwash. Basically, because you simply cannot put a moneary value to the 'work' (which is a grossly inaccurate term) they do. And putting a monetary value works contrary to 'promoting' SAHM since it only spells out the obvious functions and ignores the intangible roles they play.
I have the utmost respect for SAHM. I will never be able to survive as one. It is hard work when you need to be constantly giving 24/7 attention to your loved ones. At work, you have your personal time, your lunch hours and your chit-chats. When you are a SAHM, you have a lot less of those. If your child is not in school, then it is even harder cos there will be that expectation, not just from your kid/s, and family but also yourself that you have to dedicate every single waking hour to the homefront. I'm not sure if I'm capable of such devotion. I think there is no shame to admit that I'm a good working-mom but I'll suck big-time being a full-time SAHM.
Happy Mothers' Day to all mothers, working or not.
I have the utmost respect for SAHM. I will never be able to survive as one. It is hard work when you need to be constantly giving 24/7 attention to your loved ones. At work, you have your personal time, your lunch hours and your chit-chats. When you are a SAHM, you have a lot less of those. If your child is not in school, then it is even harder cos there will be that expectation, not just from your kid/s, and family but also yourself that you have to dedicate every single waking hour to the homefront. I'm not sure if I'm capable of such devotion. I think there is no shame to admit that I'm a good working-mom but I'll suck big-time being a full-time SAHM.
Happy Mothers' Day to all mothers, working or not.
Saturday 10 May 2008
Over estimating myself... again...
When my hubby informed me that he would be going for reservist some months back... I thought, what was the big deal. Then he said he would be going to S. Africa and that it would be 3 weeks. And that also didn't unfaze me. I didn't give it much thought since I have always been independent and I do a great job with Lucas. And hey, he was away for longer stint; 2 years in Oz, 1 year in US and in between travels. I managed pretty well on my own back then.
Well, he is gone but for 2 hours and already I'm starting to lose sleep and miss him. Maybe it is becos hubby decided to share that the place he was going is laced with land mines, or the slow knowledge that is starting to sink that 3 weeks is not short... esp. when I can't even recall when it was that he last went overseas.
Once again, I have over-rated my sense of self-independence. This is probably no surprise to some good pals of mine. They had always amused themselves laughing at how I used to think naively that I could manage a bawling baby, while doing some other work. Or that child discipline is a matter of just instilling the right amount of fear. Over time, I have learnt that one of my biggest flaw is I over estimated myself... me and my inflated ego.
Anyway, so here I am, not being able to sleep and already counting the days to my hubby's return. This is going to be a very long and tedious wait.
Well, he is gone but for 2 hours and already I'm starting to lose sleep and miss him. Maybe it is becos hubby decided to share that the place he was going is laced with land mines, or the slow knowledge that is starting to sink that 3 weeks is not short... esp. when I can't even recall when it was that he last went overseas.
Once again, I have over-rated my sense of self-independence. This is probably no surprise to some good pals of mine. They had always amused themselves laughing at how I used to think naively that I could manage a bawling baby, while doing some other work. Or that child discipline is a matter of just instilling the right amount of fear. Over time, I have learnt that one of my biggest flaw is I over estimated myself... me and my inflated ego.
Anyway, so here I am, not being able to sleep and already counting the days to my hubby's return. This is going to be a very long and tedious wait.
Friday 9 May 2008
Been on a train lately?
I have been real busy lately... and so I thought I should take a break by posting a commentary on behaviours in the train.
The train's my main transport daily to and from work and every morning, I wonder if it's the day I'm gonna get lucky and someone will offer Lucas and I a seat. But I have come to realise and accept that graciousness is pretty dead and chivalry is definitely extinct. On a count of 10 rides weekly(2 rides per working day), I'm offered a seat maybe twice a week. 20% is not too bad I supposed. On some weeks, I stand throughout. Never mind that I'm big-bellied, lugging a big backpac and a squirming 3-year-old, who laments incessantly through the ride that he is tired. No one takes notice of him, or me. They are either too busy reading the papers, playing PSP, pretending to sleep or *gasp* studying the bible. To these pious few, I had to bite my tongue and refrain from saying something ungodly.
One of my colleagues commented that no-one owes me a seat and they are not obliged to give me one. Absolutely true. I do not expect nor do I demand for one. But it would be a nice start to a day to know that there's still some graciousness left (even if it's with stickers on the train walls reminding us). I remembered people giving up their seats willingly and with a smile in the past. What happened from then to now that made people not only less friendly, but less kind too? It's a multi-billion dollar campaign question I supposed,... wonder which Ministry looks into this now... hmmm...
And that's not all the ugly behaviour I see. Just 2 evenings ago, Lucas and I were standing in front of this well-heeled executive (he was wearing a nice watch, crisp shirt and a carrying a really branded bag) and he was busy picking his nose! Not only that, he was happily flicking, yup, flicking his precious digs into space! I promptly pulled clueless Lucas aside, lest we get some unwanted 'blessings'. After he was done with ravaging the right pit, he proceeded to the left... totally disregarding the people about! Incredible! No wonder there was this huge gap in front of him. This lady standing nearby, muttered to me, "Disgusting!" and gave a shudder. Disgusting is an understatement. I can think of nauseating, abominable, vile, sickening, revolting, , abhorrent, which would give more credit to his act.
Then there was this lady who gave me a lashing on how I should 'handle' Lucas. Lucas was in one of his tantrums and I refused to give in to his demands just becos he thought whining and crying in public would get him his way. This particular lady was upset that I had, and I quote, "intruded on (her) audio space" while she was trying to read. She also shared, in a less than poilte way, that her 2 daughters are impeccably well-behaved in public, unlike my unruly little brat. Of course, I acknowledged my imperfection, thanked her for her wisdom and congratulated her on being a wonderful mother... No seriously, I did.
I only hope I'm bringing Lucas up well enough that he retains the sense of chivalry that he now has and that he would continue to give up his seat to pregnant ladies, old people and people with babies in arms. Right now, he is charming my young, pretty colleagues by offering to take their bags for them.
The train's my main transport daily to and from work and every morning, I wonder if it's the day I'm gonna get lucky and someone will offer Lucas and I a seat. But I have come to realise and accept that graciousness is pretty dead and chivalry is definitely extinct. On a count of 10 rides weekly(2 rides per working day), I'm offered a seat maybe twice a week. 20% is not too bad I supposed. On some weeks, I stand throughout. Never mind that I'm big-bellied, lugging a big backpac and a squirming 3-year-old, who laments incessantly through the ride that he is tired. No one takes notice of him, or me. They are either too busy reading the papers, playing PSP, pretending to sleep or *gasp* studying the bible. To these pious few, I had to bite my tongue and refrain from saying something ungodly.
One of my colleagues commented that no-one owes me a seat and they are not obliged to give me one. Absolutely true. I do not expect nor do I demand for one. But it would be a nice start to a day to know that there's still some graciousness left (even if it's with stickers on the train walls reminding us). I remembered people giving up their seats willingly and with a smile in the past. What happened from then to now that made people not only less friendly, but less kind too? It's a multi-billion dollar campaign question I supposed,... wonder which Ministry looks into this now... hmmm...
And that's not all the ugly behaviour I see. Just 2 evenings ago, Lucas and I were standing in front of this well-heeled executive (he was wearing a nice watch, crisp shirt and a carrying a really branded bag) and he was busy picking his nose! Not only that, he was happily flicking, yup, flicking his precious digs into space! I promptly pulled clueless Lucas aside, lest we get some unwanted 'blessings'. After he was done with ravaging the right pit, he proceeded to the left... totally disregarding the people about! Incredible! No wonder there was this huge gap in front of him. This lady standing nearby, muttered to me, "Disgusting!" and gave a shudder. Disgusting is an understatement. I can think of nauseating, abominable, vile, sickening, revolting, , abhorrent, which would give more credit to his act.
Then there was this lady who gave me a lashing on how I should 'handle' Lucas. Lucas was in one of his tantrums and I refused to give in to his demands just becos he thought whining and crying in public would get him his way. This particular lady was upset that I had, and I quote, "intruded on (her) audio space" while she was trying to read. She also shared, in a less than poilte way, that her 2 daughters are impeccably well-behaved in public, unlike my unruly little brat. Of course, I acknowledged my imperfection, thanked her for her wisdom and congratulated her on being a wonderful mother... No seriously, I did.
I only hope I'm bringing Lucas up well enough that he retains the sense of chivalry that he now has and that he would continue to give up his seat to pregnant ladies, old people and people with babies in arms. Right now, he is charming my young, pretty colleagues by offering to take their bags for them.
Saturday 3 May 2008
My little black book
Rammaging through my cupboards just now turned up a little treasure I thought long lost. It was my little black book of poems I wrote since 1996. There aren't many poems in there and all quite amature. But it meant a lot to me because I wrote these poems based on my experiences so no matter how amaturish they were, they formed a part of my life. I browsed through and picked up a couple that I really liked to post here.
My Boyfriend
~ dedicated to Vincent, 27 06 1997
He is a unique creation
Sent to me for some reason or another
Heavenly angels must have thought me lonesome
And so they blessed me with a guy named Vincent
Eversince he so suddenly appeared
I am jittery, feverish and delirious
He brings smiles upon my face
He brightens up my nights and days
His eyes are small
Inconspicuous when he grins
But he has the biggest heart
That's what really matters to me
He is my knight on a muddy scrambler
My hero, my babe, my dream-builder
Sadly, he is serving NS
But he has nites-off, so who cares
He has the weirdest logic
A streak of lunacy and eccentricity
For all his idiosyncrasy
I still love him crazily
Never request for a hug or kiss
Under the roving eyes of the public
Shyness is his nature
So my hormones have to show some composure
He finally said "luv ya" one fine day
in the phonemail on the 30th of May
Alas, for that to happen again
I'll have to wait for another decade
He may not have glittery diamonds
nor clear-crisps of dollars
But he has the sweetest smile and the warmest touch
He is sincere and that holds my heart
Often I get neurotic
and fear I'll lose him
He is ever so patient
Enduring my free-flow of idiotic questions
Yes, I'm definitely in love with him
as definite as the Do-Do is extinct
He is the best thing that ever happened
he is my one and only Vinc.
~~~
Ball with Teeth and Nose
~ 29 09 1998
Fybo, my dog
has a talent.
He is a hound you see
He likes to nose for things hidden.
Fybo, my dog
plays Frisbee with me in the garden.
Ever so often we would take a break.
He would pass time having the garden raked.
Treasures will pop out of the ground.
A rubber ducky or my long lost GI Joe.
Sometimes it's my dad's slippers,
Sometimes nothing at all.
Funny things were found again today,
A round ball with teeth and nose.
It had what looked like eyes,
'cept the squishy stuff inside.
I wanted to show daddy my find
but he had gone to work.
So I took it to my neighbour
who might reward me for my labour.
She opened the door and I lifted
My loot for her to see.
She turned stark white
and then screamed in fright.
The next thing I know the police came.
My dad in handcuffs led away.
I had many queries in my mind
With only Fybo by my side.
A kind officer then explained to me,
In a husky, solemn tone.
He, "Son, you've solved a mystery...
The ball with teeth and nose, was none other than
your grandpa Jones."
~~~
I really really loved this poem. Hiak Hiak Hiak.
My Boyfriend
~ dedicated to Vincent, 27 06 1997
He is a unique creation
Sent to me for some reason or another
Heavenly angels must have thought me lonesome
And so they blessed me with a guy named Vincent
Eversince he so suddenly appeared
I am jittery, feverish and delirious
He brings smiles upon my face
He brightens up my nights and days
His eyes are small
Inconspicuous when he grins
But he has the biggest heart
That's what really matters to me
He is my knight on a muddy scrambler
My hero, my babe, my dream-builder
Sadly, he is serving NS
But he has nites-off, so who cares
He has the weirdest logic
A streak of lunacy and eccentricity
For all his idiosyncrasy
I still love him crazily
Never request for a hug or kiss
Under the roving eyes of the public
Shyness is his nature
So my hormones have to show some composure
He finally said "luv ya" one fine day
in the phonemail on the 30th of May
Alas, for that to happen again
I'll have to wait for another decade
He may not have glittery diamonds
nor clear-crisps of dollars
But he has the sweetest smile and the warmest touch
He is sincere and that holds my heart
Often I get neurotic
and fear I'll lose him
He is ever so patient
Enduring my free-flow of idiotic questions
Yes, I'm definitely in love with him
as definite as the Do-Do is extinct
He is the best thing that ever happened
he is my one and only Vinc.
~~~
Ball with Teeth and Nose
~ 29 09 1998
Fybo, my dog
has a talent.
He is a hound you see
He likes to nose for things hidden.
Fybo, my dog
plays Frisbee with me in the garden.
Ever so often we would take a break.
He would pass time having the garden raked.
Treasures will pop out of the ground.
A rubber ducky or my long lost GI Joe.
Sometimes it's my dad's slippers,
Sometimes nothing at all.
Funny things were found again today,
A round ball with teeth and nose.
It had what looked like eyes,
'cept the squishy stuff inside.
I wanted to show daddy my find
but he had gone to work.
So I took it to my neighbour
who might reward me for my labour.
She opened the door and I lifted
My loot for her to see.
She turned stark white
and then screamed in fright.
The next thing I know the police came.
My dad in handcuffs led away.
I had many queries in my mind
With only Fybo by my side.
A kind officer then explained to me,
In a husky, solemn tone.
He, "Son, you've solved a mystery...
The ball with teeth and nose, was none other than
your grandpa Jones."
~~~
I really really loved this poem. Hiak Hiak Hiak.
Prejudiced judgement
Today I was introduced to a blog of one of my colleagues. I spent a good 3 hours (into the wee morning) browsing almost every post he had put up. It was a rather strange experience and at the same time, the more I read about him and his interests, the more I thought I understood myself.
No, he was very different from me. He was not even one of the closer colleagues I normally have lunch with. And from what little I had known of him, I had formed certain opinions. So the obsession into reading his blog partly stem from, well, the obsession to know if I'm right all along and partly from a nagging thought I may jolly well be wrong in my assumptions all these while.
I have always pride myself being a good judge of character. I can instinctively detect a lie, sniff out hypocrisy like a hound and defnitely, I can sight invisible daggers. Similarly, I know who my friends are, feel genuine care and concern from people and appreciate little kindness extended to me.
After reading the ton of posts spanning almost 2 years, I came to a realisation that I am quick to judge and my judgement is marred by my own insecurities as well as some imaginations. This is perhaps what I would call biasness and even prejudiced judgement. Perhaps I had been wrong about my judgement of this person after all. And I thought this is a truly humbling experience and I resolved not be so quick to judge.
Then the cynic in me comes up, perhaps the blogs were written in that particular way because they were meant to impress and meant for public reading.
Whatever the case, I doubt giving people more benefit of doubt is going to hurt me much and that's what I shall do.
No, he was very different from me. He was not even one of the closer colleagues I normally have lunch with. And from what little I had known of him, I had formed certain opinions. So the obsession into reading his blog partly stem from, well, the obsession to know if I'm right all along and partly from a nagging thought I may jolly well be wrong in my assumptions all these while.
I have always pride myself being a good judge of character. I can instinctively detect a lie, sniff out hypocrisy like a hound and defnitely, I can sight invisible daggers. Similarly, I know who my friends are, feel genuine care and concern from people and appreciate little kindness extended to me.
After reading the ton of posts spanning almost 2 years, I came to a realisation that I am quick to judge and my judgement is marred by my own insecurities as well as some imaginations. This is perhaps what I would call biasness and even prejudiced judgement. Perhaps I had been wrong about my judgement of this person after all. And I thought this is a truly humbling experience and I resolved not be so quick to judge.
Then the cynic in me comes up, perhaps the blogs were written in that particular way because they were meant to impress and meant for public reading.
Whatever the case, I doubt giving people more benefit of doubt is going to hurt me much and that's what I shall do.
Friday 2 May 2008
Natural consequences
Recently, Lucas has been acting up at meal times. He has always been a fussy eater but nowadays, he is testing the limit to see if I can go beyond the 1.5 hours treshold.
Anyway, this post is not a complaint. Rather, a revelation I got in differentiating natural consequence and punishment to young children. Yes, it is probably common sense and no rocket science... but I didn't realise how easy it was to go down the slippery slope of posing many outcomes as punishments when they should be natural consequences.
Example, last Friday, Lucas once again took 1 hr 45 mins to eat his dinner. We told him explicitly that if he finishes his dinner slowly, he will not get to play with the toys at the toys section of X department store. No rationale was given (BAD MOVE 1). He took his time. He finally chewed off his last mouth of food at 8.45 pm which was about the time we needed to set off for home. So we told him, matter-of-factly, that he can't play toys cos he finished his meal so slowly and that we had already told him to eat dinner 'properly' but he didn't listen. (BAD MOVE 2). This must have sounded a lot like a punishment for non-compliance. Of course, he protested with tears and shouts. But we went home anyway.
That night, I set about thinking how it could have been different. On hindsight, I should have 1st explained the rationale for eating 'properly' i.e. it will leave you time to do what you want. And when he didn't perform that task, I should have made it clear that he was not going to play toys becos it was a natural consequence of him dilly-dallying, and NOT becos we were out to punish him for not complying.
But it is really a lot easier said than done, esp. when you already feel a blood clot forming in your veins out of sheer frustration. But if children see how their actions affect the consequences and how they can control that, then perhaps they will comply more. Anyway, it is a theory and I'll test it out to see if there are any improvements. And that's one of the things I love about being a parent,.. it is like playing CSI, finding an answer, 1 clue and 1 assumption at a time.
Anyway, this post is not a complaint. Rather, a revelation I got in differentiating natural consequence and punishment to young children. Yes, it is probably common sense and no rocket science... but I didn't realise how easy it was to go down the slippery slope of posing many outcomes as punishments when they should be natural consequences.
Example, last Friday, Lucas once again took 1 hr 45 mins to eat his dinner. We told him explicitly that if he finishes his dinner slowly, he will not get to play with the toys at the toys section of X department store. No rationale was given (BAD MOVE 1). He took his time. He finally chewed off his last mouth of food at 8.45 pm which was about the time we needed to set off for home. So we told him, matter-of-factly, that he can't play toys cos he finished his meal so slowly and that we had already told him to eat dinner 'properly' but he didn't listen. (BAD MOVE 2). This must have sounded a lot like a punishment for non-compliance. Of course, he protested with tears and shouts. But we went home anyway.
That night, I set about thinking how it could have been different. On hindsight, I should have 1st explained the rationale for eating 'properly' i.e. it will leave you time to do what you want. And when he didn't perform that task, I should have made it clear that he was not going to play toys becos it was a natural consequence of him dilly-dallying, and NOT becos we were out to punish him for not complying.
But it is really a lot easier said than done, esp. when you already feel a blood clot forming in your veins out of sheer frustration. But if children see how their actions affect the consequences and how they can control that, then perhaps they will comply more. Anyway, it is a theory and I'll test it out to see if there are any improvements. And that's one of the things I love about being a parent,.. it is like playing CSI, finding an answer, 1 clue and 1 assumption at a time.
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