On my own 2 feet

Lyra is barely 6.5 months and that little imp is able to stand while holding on to the sides of her cot! For these couple of days, she has taken to 'secretly' practising and perfecting her standing and 2-step wobbling at wee hours, 2.30am to be exact, to the frustration of her sleep deprived mom. Of course, at the end of 2 hours of strenuous wobbly standing, falling, climbing and standing, and shuffling, Lyra would be tired and totally 'mang zhang'. And her poor sleep deprived mom would not only have to tolerate her cries and screams, but also feed and rock her to sleep.

But despite the lack of sleep and migraine as a result sleep deprivation, it is a joy to watch her. You should see the proud look on her face when she managed to stand and she would give a grunt of "Erh", as if she is calling to you, saying, "Hey! Look at me Mom! Look at what I could do!". I'll try to capture her triumphant look to share. I'm immensely proud of her.

And I recently came up with a song which I sing to her to sooth her back to sleep The tune is somewhat Celtic, although the tune changes every time. The lyrics is as below.

There was a sweet baby girl
and Lyra was her name
She has pretty eyes, a voice so soft
this wondrous little dame

Flowers bloom when she gives a smile
Sprinkle of rain when she gives a sigh
And I'm blessed of blessed
that this darling baby's mine.

I'll hold her close, wrapped in an embrace
My gift from heaven, my proof of Grace
I'll love her forever and ever
so never fear, my precious baby Lyra.

Walkie talkie

Have you ever seen people using their mobile phone as a walkie talkie? They hold their mobile phone to their mouth with the ear piece away from the ears and when they want to hear the other party, they then put the ear piece to their ears. I find it obsolutely stoopid that some people will talk like that. To me, it just reflects that these people would rather talk and the other party listen, which explains why they need not hear the response or feedback from the other person as they rattle on. Imagine when the other person on the other line is doing the same... both are talking assuming that the other party's listening but actually it's just 2 monologues.

Milk factory

This morning when I went to lactate, I discovered that I have ran out of milk bags, again. This would mean that I would have utilised about 540 bags! Out of curiousity, I did some calculations and concluded that I had produced an estimated 64.8 LITRES of milk since the birth of Lyra... not bad for a mini B (before pregnancy).

Then out of curiousity again, I wonder who made a more effective milk factory, me or a cow. So I did some research and found that on average a cow weighing 3000 kg, produces about 30-40 litres of milk a day. So for a cow's body weight, they produce a ratio of 11.7 ml per kg [(35L x 1000 ml) / 3000kg]. I produced (currently) about 455 ml (NOT including the amount I feed Lyra direct) per day, so that makes 10.8 ml per kg (455ml/42kg). And that's only the rate at which I expressed. If I add on the direct feedings which is estimated at 120 ml per feed x 4 night feeds... *tap tap calculator*... It means I would have produced 935ml per day, i.e. 22.3 ml per kg, way surpassing a dairy cow! Talk about being a milk factory! And I don't produce any green house effect! Ha!

Who's who?

Those who have met Lyra always remarked at how much she resembles her Gor Gor. So I collated the pics of Lucas and Lyra taken when they were around the same age and put them side by side. Are you able to tell who's who? :)

Frustrating 4, flustered mom

I'm not sure if my fuse has been shortened lately or if Lucas has been extremely testing. I find myself yelling, scolding, threatening, smacking his arms way too much. Of course there are times when he is obviously deserving of a punishment, such as the very elaborate lie he cooked up about his friend giving him a chocolate when he had in fact took it from the teacher's cupboard. But at other times, I'm not so sure if he was entirely at fault or was it because I was just too flustered with the increased duties and the decreased time. Plus my recent unhappiness at work.

I don't know... But I do know I have been very frustrated with him. Take today for instance, we brought him to Ajisen to have his favourite Ramen after his chinese class. It was 1 pm. He took a 45 mins to finish half the bowl of ramen... Throughout the lunch, he appeared to be drifting off to sleep. I was convinced he was pretending, but I wasn't sure. His eyeballs were rolling whites and his eyelids were droopy. In any case, I caught my blood boiling and my voice and pitch escalating. I pity the diners nearby as I would have been really irritated by my own constant reminder to "chew your food!", "swallow!", "you need a smack to wake you up!", "hurry up!", "quickly!", "CHEW!CHEW!" etc etc... My frustration got the better of me, and I gave up on the meal. He barely finished 1/2 bowl.

I reflected the whole afternoon. I was quite disappointed with myself for not holding my temper. I'm not sure what happened to my normal ability to 'tahan'. I was even more upset and guilt ridden that I had made his lunch entirely miserable. I was a classic example of the mom I would have hated.

What made me change? Was it because I'm now always pressed for time? Like in the mornings and evenings, how I would be barking orders for him to hurry up so that we can get to office/pick Lyra in time? Or is it I'm really biased against him (now with Lyra in the picture)? Or is it his terrible 4s attitude and behaviour? I don't know and I don't trust myself to be objective.

All I know is that my fuse is blowing ALL the time and even when I make my best attempt to tolerate and be patient, I was never as patient as I used to be. And Lucas's bahaviour and attitude is really going from bad to worse... I'm not sure if it was his bad bahaviour that's causing me to be a mom from hell or whether my gnashing of teeth and screamings are causing him to turn bad. Chicken and egg question.

Simon Sim ( a family educator) told me last Friday at an event that "all children need are love and encouragement and they will turn out fine"... I thought for a second and asked him, "what if Love is not enough?"... Simon looked slightly taken aback and was quiet. I think he never thought that love would not be enough to parent a child and he looked a little sad on that reflection.

What if love is not enough?... ...