一波为平一波又起

Yesterday I blogged about the recent 'mishaps' of Lyra and Lucas. And I thought that should be it. Well,... today, Lyra's infant care called to inform me that Lyra's diarrhea is back, AND there is a confirmed H1N1 case in the centre. So they are checking if the virus had spread and if the centre need to be closed to contain the spread. Sigh... I need to find a horse-shoe or rabbit's foot to ward of the bad luck.

40 degrees & 6 stitches

That's what Lyra and Lucas had respectively this past week. Talk about trouble coming in 2s. First Lyra developed a persistent raging fever that wouldn't subside even with medication. By Sunday, which was the 4th day into her fever, she was 40 degrees. We brought her to KKH and they did some blood test. She was declared negative of anything serious and doc suspected she was just down with some viral infection. The remedy? Wait it out. Then just when her fever was coming down, we found spots all over her body and face. As she was immunised against measles, I worried about German measles. So Vinc and I huffed and puffed to the GP. We were told that it is normal and part and parcel of a viral infection. We were relieved. That was on Tuesday night.

So today, I kept Lyra at home just to make sure her fever's gone and she doesn't catch anything else. Then I got a frantic call from Lucas's childcare. He had a fall and cut his chin. The teachers were rushing him to hospital. Sounded serious but I thought maybe the teachers were just too panicky. I saw the wound,... the gaping hole more like it. It was a nasty nasty cut just under the chin. Brave Lucas didn't shed a tear. Not even when he was getting his stitches. He flinched a little, shut his eyes tight and grit his teeth once in a while. But other than that, he kept still and quiet. It was I who was trembling with fear. In fact, I was almost closed to tears. My poor baby... I held on to Vinc's hand tight. 6 stitches...

What an eventful few days for me. Not to mention downright tiring.

Feeling like failure

Today, Lucas was caned for the first time. His offence- sneaking a sweet into his bed and eating it. It sounds trivial but I call it stealing. He took the sweets without permission and he did it in secrecy. Not too long ago, he also took a biscuit from his classmate and was smacked for it.

So today, I explained why he was wrong, reminded him of the punishment I had warned him about and gave him a stroke of cane on the legs. He didn't cry. In fact, he looked downright 'boh-chap'. After that, he was sent to stand in a corner to reflect and tell me what was it that he had done wrong. Lucas is like me when I was a kid. We both respond to emotional 'punishment' than physical. Because I ignored him when he was sent to his corner, he started to tear. He said sorry (which he seldom does) and told me why he was wrong. After another round of talk and explanation, I sent him to bed weeping. That night, I didn't keep him company as I usually did.

From the moment I caned him, I felt a lump in my throat. It hurts whenever I have to punish/discipline him. And what pains me more is that he doesn't seem to learn. I feel like a complete failure; a lousy mom. I understood how my parents must have felt. I stole from childhood right up till secondary school. The last time I stole and was caught, I wanted to be the 1st to tell my dad before my school did the shock. I remember his look of disappointment and pain. He didn't say a word... he just shook his head and walked out of the room then.

I feel that exact same pain now. Feeling helpless and inadequate. How lousy and hurt my dad must have been.

I googled and read that this 'sticky fingers' is a normal passing phase for most kids. But it must be dealt with with patience, love and lots of explanation. I know "this too shall pass" but that horrible lump is still stuck in my throat, just as that terrible sense of guilt and lousiness.