Tamiflu- More monitoring required

Lucas came down with fever over Sunday and was still battling with a 39 degrees fever after medication. By the 4th day, I brought him back to the GP, which also happens to be a PPC (Pandemic Preparedness Clinic). The Doc prescribed Tamiflu, saying that he is in the high risk group as (1) he is under 5 years old and (2) he has sensitive airways which makes him more susceptible to lung infections. I have all respect for her but I'm hesitant about giving Lucas Tamiflu. There have been numerous reports that the harm far outweigh the benefits. I raised my concern with the doc and she brushed me off saying that news reports are hogwash and reporters are not doctors. Then she whipped out a memo from MOH that says Tamiflu is safe for children.

So that afternoon when Lucas's fever did not subside, against my nagging better judgement, I gave Lucas the 1st dose of Tamiflu. 30 minutes later, Lucas was puking. He threw up until he had nothing to throw up. Fearing that he might be dehydrated, I asked him to drink some water. He couldn't hold it down and started another round of puking. To take his mind off the vomiting, we played monopoly. Then the halucinations began. He kept telling my phone is ringing when it is not. Then he said he couldn't reach his pawn on the monopoly board cos the table has floated too high. It was scary. He continued retching in between. I kept the monopoly as I didn't think we would be able to continue with the game. And Lucas sat in a corner of the sofa and stared into space. When I talk to him, he just looked at me blankly like I wasn't there. He stoned for another 30 minutes. After that, in a sudden burst, he started running amok all over the house. He laughed and screamed at every thing in the house and when I caught him to slow him down, he just kept giggling. He looked like he just smoked pot!

The effects only wore off about 3-4 hours later. I took him off Tamiflu and called the clinic the next morning to let them know.

Because H1N1 is so rampant, PPCs are taking a "just in case" attitude about prescribing Tamiflu, even to young children. This is despite the concern that the wide spread use may actually cause virus mutation, making it more drug resistant. More monitoring should be done before PPCs take it in their own hands to prescribe Tamiflu. Blood test should be performed to confirm H1N1 before starting patients on Tamiflu. And doctors must make it their responsibility to inform parents and patients of potential side effects.

Expectations

Recently I had a chat with some mommies with kids around Lucas age. They were impressed and amazed that Lucas showers, brushes his teeth, packs his bag and goes to bed by himself. They think he is highly independent and mature. Frankly, Vinc and I had never thought that these tasks were beyond him. We had expected him to do these and he did.

It made me re-examine my expectations. Sometimes I get upset and disappointed that Lucas can't read or write properly. Or that he cannot obey commands or show more self-restrain, for instance at a playground, when he goes ballistic. Or when he gets upset and couldn't control his tantrum. Am I expecting too much from him?

一波为平一波又起

Yesterday I blogged about the recent 'mishaps' of Lyra and Lucas. And I thought that should be it. Well,... today, Lyra's infant care called to inform me that Lyra's diarrhea is back, AND there is a confirmed H1N1 case in the centre. So they are checking if the virus had spread and if the centre need to be closed to contain the spread. Sigh... I need to find a horse-shoe or rabbit's foot to ward of the bad luck.

40 degrees & 6 stitches

That's what Lyra and Lucas had respectively this past week. Talk about trouble coming in 2s. First Lyra developed a persistent raging fever that wouldn't subside even with medication. By Sunday, which was the 4th day into her fever, she was 40 degrees. We brought her to KKH and they did some blood test. She was declared negative of anything serious and doc suspected she was just down with some viral infection. The remedy? Wait it out. Then just when her fever was coming down, we found spots all over her body and face. As she was immunised against measles, I worried about German measles. So Vinc and I huffed and puffed to the GP. We were told that it is normal and part and parcel of a viral infection. We were relieved. That was on Tuesday night.

So today, I kept Lyra at home just to make sure her fever's gone and she doesn't catch anything else. Then I got a frantic call from Lucas's childcare. He had a fall and cut his chin. The teachers were rushing him to hospital. Sounded serious but I thought maybe the teachers were just too panicky. I saw the wound,... the gaping hole more like it. It was a nasty nasty cut just under the chin. Brave Lucas didn't shed a tear. Not even when he was getting his stitches. He flinched a little, shut his eyes tight and grit his teeth once in a while. But other than that, he kept still and quiet. It was I who was trembling with fear. In fact, I was almost closed to tears. My poor baby... I held on to Vinc's hand tight. 6 stitches...

What an eventful few days for me. Not to mention downright tiring.

Feeling like failure

Today, Lucas was caned for the first time. His offence- sneaking a sweet into his bed and eating it. It sounds trivial but I call it stealing. He took the sweets without permission and he did it in secrecy. Not too long ago, he also took a biscuit from his classmate and was smacked for it.

So today, I explained why he was wrong, reminded him of the punishment I had warned him about and gave him a stroke of cane on the legs. He didn't cry. In fact, he looked downright 'boh-chap'. After that, he was sent to stand in a corner to reflect and tell me what was it that he had done wrong. Lucas is like me when I was a kid. We both respond to emotional 'punishment' than physical. Because I ignored him when he was sent to his corner, he started to tear. He said sorry (which he seldom does) and told me why he was wrong. After another round of talk and explanation, I sent him to bed weeping. That night, I didn't keep him company as I usually did.

From the moment I caned him, I felt a lump in my throat. It hurts whenever I have to punish/discipline him. And what pains me more is that he doesn't seem to learn. I feel like a complete failure; a lousy mom. I understood how my parents must have felt. I stole from childhood right up till secondary school. The last time I stole and was caught, I wanted to be the 1st to tell my dad before my school did the shock. I remember his look of disappointment and pain. He didn't say a word... he just shook his head and walked out of the room then.

I feel that exact same pain now. Feeling helpless and inadequate. How lousy and hurt my dad must have been.

I googled and read that this 'sticky fingers' is a normal passing phase for most kids. But it must be dealt with with patience, love and lots of explanation. I know "this too shall pass" but that horrible lump is still stuck in my throat, just as that terrible sense of guilt and lousiness.

Ooo, I make it look so easy...

Last Sunday I received a compliment from a neighbour I do not know. She stays at the next block on the ground floor. I was heading home with Lyra and hubby (Lucas was at a class) and we passed by her house. She said hello and commented that she really admired me. That she was impressed at how I would carry Lyra and pull Lucas along when we head out, without any extra help. She said very few parents in this era would do that.

I should be proud of myself. :) It is not the first time someone told me this. One of my friends had once commented that I 'pressurised' her cos I make it look so easy and yet she didn't find it easy at all to cope with her kid. She was practically under house arrest by her baby. And she admitted that she got quite sick of me telling her that she is capable of bringing the baby out and that it wasn't difficult. She had found it insurmountable. Needless to say, she seldom dates me.

I guess I made it look easy. At times I feel the same fear about how I will manage. Some times many thoughts of "what ifs" will haunt me just before I make a journey out. But I didn't want to be housebound and 'what ifs' is really not my style. I like to "just whack and see how". In a way, it's good cos I'm learnt not to be stressed about bringing the kids out or if I need to be alone with them. I think far too many parents sweat the small stuff. Go with the flow,... what's the worst? Like one of my friends shared, at most, the kid goes home with a diaper full of shit. She brings only 1 diaper change and at times completely forgets to bring any.

I think this phylosophy applies to work and life as well. Why worry about the 'what ifs'? There's no way to anticipate all pit falls so just whack lah.

Neither friend nor colleague

I have a penchant for putting my foot in my mouth. Some how things come out bad even with my best intentions. Not too long ago when I got promoted, I wanted to show some appreciation to some colleagues who weren't from my section. They weren't exactly so close that I would call them good friends. So instead of a lunch treat (which is for very close friends), I bought chocolates. In an effort to explain why I bought them chocolates, I said to one of them, that she "was neither friend nor colleague... that she belongs to somewhere in between... hence the chocs and no treat". My colleague was big-hearted and gave me a knowing look and said she understood. On hindsight, I realised how bad that sounded. I should have said that she meant more than just a colleague to me, hence I would like to share my joy with them... how much nicer that sounds.

Then 2 days ago, this incident came up as a converstion. My colleague asked me why I draw such a fine distinction between friends and colleagues. Well,... maybe I am anal about it. I classify friends as people I could count on when I'm in trouble, people I would not hesitate to cry infront of or to speak my mind without fear of being judged. Thus, I do not have many friends. Of course some colleagues are nice and I am not distant from them, but they are still not so close as to make me feel comfortable about ringing them up at 3am if I have a problem. Then I came up with this term to describe colleagues who are slightly more than colleagues but short of being a close friend. I call them "frileague"; an apt term I thought... untill you say it real fast and it sounds like "freak". Ha ha ha.